Help think of clever quotes (reward: eternal glory)

I need your help with clever brain smartness, because (and I'm not just sucking up here), I know that YOU ARE ALL GENIUSES. See that randomized quote at the top of this page next to the Chooseomatic logo? I'd like to add a whole bunch to the rotation. But I'm kind of running out of ideas.

Quotes should follow the basic format of a Choose-You-Own-Adventure choice ("If you..., turn to page..."), and need to be under 20 words or so. Please add any and all ideas to the comments on this post -- my favorite ones will be added to the header rotation and IMMORTALIZED ON THIS SITE FOREVER.