I'm not your sassy fat friend.

I was the fat friend the pretty girls kept around to make them look better.

In college I always knew when a group of boys was looking at me, it meant they were deciding which one would take one for the team to get to my hotter friends.

They thought I was supposed to be grateful to hang around with them. They told me I was funny and sassy and so cheeky like I was lucky because otherwise I would just be fat. I got compliments on having the sense to wear clothing that hid my flaws. They said we were BFFs but hid me behind them looking over their shoulders in group pictures. I hated their pitying looks and condescending tones, but smiled and hit it behind laughter and Fat Amy jokes.

I missed a semester of school because I tried to starve myself with laxatives and almost killed myself. No one came to see me.

But they told me I looked so pretty when I was so thin my hip bones wouldn't hold up my jeans.