The Fiver | Eric Pickles, Steve Evans, Piers Morgan, Adam Lallana and Morrissey

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WAVING GOODBYE

The Round of Arsenal has become one of the highlights of the European football calendar. Held every February, it marks the point at which Big Cup gets really serious, as 15 hopeful clubs join Arsenal for a football jamboree to decide which eight of the 15 move on to the next phase. Arsenal are – this is the only way we can make any sense of it – just happy to be there, and cheerfully wave the lucky eight off as they continue on their journey. Yes, we’re just happy to have been there, it’s the taking part that counts, and I’m definitely glad I didn’t spend any of the billions in the bank on a reliable defensive midfielder, smiles Arsène Wenger, still waving furiously, a light frost forming over his teeth as he fixates on a spot exactly 1,000 yards into the distance and stops blinking.

MOOD

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