SO YOU WANT TO BE A WRITER (2ND PART)
If you haven’t read the first part of this article do it now here: So You Want to Be a Writer?
As you might have noticed I mention here and there the fact that writers must be the artists with the greatest amount of clichés attached to. I had great fun writing the first part of this article and even though I might have sound a bit abrasive, – which was my intention, I noticed that another article could be written about the portrait of writers in this day and age and what you need, or don’t need to be an artist. (At least according to some media).
There are movies, tv shows and even entire books about writers, it seems that no other archetype is more fascinating than the one of the miserable guy who writes for a living. He might or might not write from a typewriter, he is shy, a social maniac and for sure he has some sort of addiction. Many young artists go after this ideal, portrayed quite brilliantly by the media, and end up disappointed with the results. That usually are none. Let me show you the most famous stereotypes created around those who (try to) earn their living out of the tip of their fingers.
You must be an addict
Choose your own poison, it doesn’t matter. From alcohol to crack cocaine, sex to barbiturates, LSD to heroin. It’s up to you, but without one of these you will never be a writer. I mean by your third book you can combine various substances and become a real literary legend. And don’t forget that all of these are great when added to other addictions such as: gambling, chain smoking, alcohol and horse racing. Pills are okay, weed used to be pretty popular and always adds a flair to it.
There was never a straight edge writer and never will be! You’re either an angry hardcore motherfucker deepthroating Jack Daniel’s at 8am or you are nothing.
At least you need to be a recovery addict. That’s the limit and where real writers distinguish themselves from wanna be writers.
You must be terrible at relationships
Actually you can either be terrible, like socially awkward or just a total fucking mess. Hank Moody style in Californication, you know? The matter of the fact is that you are destined to live alone, you can’t find happiness in others and due to too much boozing or some other ridiculous reason you are always borderline depressed and having empty sex. You can have as much sex as you want, but never with the one that you love. That’s where is located the crux of the matter.
And then you write about how lonely, sad, depressed, miserable and contemplating suicide you are. You add sensitive and arabesque words to your vocabulary. It shows that you are human too, that it isn’t really your fault how messed up you are. Deep down you know very well that you are manipulative little bitch, because you always portray your writing in ways that women reading it see the poor and scared little boy that you are. The reality behind the façade.
You might very well fuck some of them, but will be empty and soulless. It will create more misery and sad contemplation. You call it all research.
You are a writer, you don’t work…
And even less you have a day job like everybody else. Suddenly you don’t have bills to pay, rent ceases to be a priority, you have no obligations. You are either rich because of a millionaire contract fallen from heaven or you always sidestep your landlord with funny stories and excuses, they always buy it. You have one book out, or maybe two, and you live out of the royalties of it. Even though that you only get 10%, that the publishing house doesn’t give a fuck about you and nobody buys your books.
Writing is not work either. It comes in flushes of inspiration out of nowhere, you’re a genius after all.
And speaking of which:
Your First Book Will Be a Massive Hit
From the moment that they showed you the green light of publishing it was paradise. You get thousands of dollars in advance, the publisher pays a huge amount of money publicizing you without having any assurance that anybody likes what you write and will buy your book. Even without having a PR department behind, magazines, reporters and TV call your name out. You are invited to hang out with celebrities and to cocktail parties where you are introduced to the director who is eager to turn your words into images project on the big screen. You’re pretentious and everybody likes you.
You must suffer from writer’s block.
At first in short periods of time. It will haunt you, you will drink and have too much sex because of it. Then at some point of your career it will hit you like a ton of bricks and you won’t be able to write for at least a year. Nothing. You will disappear. And suddenly it will hit you again: the revelation. The answer, the ethereal inspiration and you will write once again and this will be your life’s work. An unparalleled vision on life, proper of a true genius. They will write about you. They will call you the new Hemingway, you will outshine Shakespeare and the Literary Nobel Prize will have your face all over it for consecutive years. All others after you will live in your shadow.
~~~
As you can see the life of a true writer is quite easy. There is a laid down path in front of you and it is all much fun. Besides everything else it is cool as fuck. That’s the life of a genial man, that’s your life. That’s easy and it all starts with a pick your own addiction game.
What are you waiting for?
As you might have noticed I mention here and there the fact that writers must be the artists with the greatest amount of clichés attached to. I had great fun writing the first part of this article and even though I might have sound a bit abrasive, – which was my intention, I noticed that another article could be written about the portrait of writers in this day and age and what you need, or don’t need to be an artist. (At least according to some media).
There are movies, tv shows and even entire books about writers, it seems that no other archetype is more fascinating than the one of the miserable guy who writes for a living. He might or might not write from a typewriter, he is shy, a social maniac and for sure he has some sort of addiction. Many young artists go after this ideal, portrayed quite brilliantly by the media, and end up disappointed with the results. That usually are none. Let me show you the most famous stereotypes created around those who (try to) earn their living out of the tip of their fingers.
You must be an addict
Choose your own poison, it doesn’t matter. From alcohol to crack cocaine, sex to barbiturates, LSD to heroin. It’s up to you, but without one of these you will never be a writer. I mean by your third book you can combine various substances and become a real literary legend. And don’t forget that all of these are great when added to other addictions such as: gambling, chain smoking, alcohol and horse racing. Pills are okay, weed used to be pretty popular and always adds a flair to it.
There was never a straight edge writer and never will be! You’re either an angry hardcore motherfucker deepthroating Jack Daniel’s at 8am or you are nothing.
At least you need to be a recovery addict. That’s the limit and where real writers distinguish themselves from wanna be writers.
You must be terrible at relationships
Actually you can either be terrible, like socially awkward or just a total fucking mess. Hank Moody style in Californication, you know? The matter of the fact is that you are destined to live alone, you can’t find happiness in others and due to too much boozing or some other ridiculous reason you are always borderline depressed and having empty sex. You can have as much sex as you want, but never with the one that you love. That’s where is located the crux of the matter.
And then you write about how lonely, sad, depressed, miserable and contemplating suicide you are. You add sensitive and arabesque words to your vocabulary. It shows that you are human too, that it isn’t really your fault how messed up you are. Deep down you know very well that you are manipulative little bitch, because you always portray your writing in ways that women reading it see the poor and scared little boy that you are. The reality behind the façade.
You might very well fuck some of them, but will be empty and soulless. It will create more misery and sad contemplation. You call it all research.
You are a writer, you don’t work…
And even less you have a day job like everybody else. Suddenly you don’t have bills to pay, rent ceases to be a priority, you have no obligations. You are either rich because of a millionaire contract fallen from heaven or you always sidestep your landlord with funny stories and excuses, they always buy it. You have one book out, or maybe two, and you live out of the royalties of it. Even though that you only get 10%, that the publishing house doesn’t give a fuck about you and nobody buys your books.
Writing is not work either. It comes in flushes of inspiration out of nowhere, you’re a genius after all.
And speaking of which:
Your First Book Will Be a Massive Hit
From the moment that they showed you the green light of publishing it was paradise. You get thousands of dollars in advance, the publisher pays a huge amount of money publicizing you without having any assurance that anybody likes what you write and will buy your book. Even without having a PR department behind, magazines, reporters and TV call your name out. You are invited to hang out with celebrities and to cocktail parties where you are introduced to the director who is eager to turn your words into images project on the big screen. You’re pretentious and everybody likes you.
You must suffer from writer’s block.
At first in short periods of time. It will haunt you, you will drink and have too much sex because of it. Then at some point of your career it will hit you like a ton of bricks and you won’t be able to write for at least a year. Nothing. You will disappear. And suddenly it will hit you again: the revelation. The answer, the ethereal inspiration and you will write once again and this will be your life’s work. An unparalleled vision on life, proper of a true genius. They will write about you. They will call you the new Hemingway, you will outshine Shakespeare and the Literary Nobel Prize will have your face all over it for consecutive years. All others after you will live in your shadow.
~~~
As you can see the life of a true writer is quite easy. There is a laid down path in front of you and it is all much fun. Besides everything else it is cool as fuck. That’s the life of a genial man, that’s your life. That’s easy and it all starts with a pick your own addiction game.
What are you waiting for?
No comments have been added yet.
