I just bought some preferred stock, a first for me, and I expect to be treated preferentially. I'm tired of being a part of the great unwashed masses.

I want a daily foot rub and someone to do my laundry, even my skidmarked delicates. I want someone to make my morning, mid-morning, late-morning, early afternoon, mid-afternoon, late-afternoon, early evening, mid-evening, and late evening tea for me.

Most importantly, however, I want it to be able to provide enough dividend income to continue my tea habit because Jesus H. Christ I drink a lot of tea.