Amazed and a Siren Call

As you might imagine, these last few weeks have been surreal. I don't know how I will proceed in talking about my medical adventures, I think it will come about of its own accord. I do, for the most part feel I am on the outside looking in, so when I saw this little tableau in the subway, I snapped a quick photo. I know that soon my treatment will begin and my two selves will merge. It has become simple. There really is just one day at a time, and to take it further, one hour and one moment at a time.

All the same, I am amazed, thankful, grateful and humbled by your outpouring of support, care and love. Thank you. I am grateful to Leslie for taking such care, for listening to my fears and needs and for composing such a loving telling of this reality. She has been a stalwart friend and helper.

And you, dear reader. I would never wish cancer, sickness or any major life challenge on anyone. Now that the world looks me in the eye and blinks deeply, I know it is my time to fight this battle. I did not think half so many people would respond. And what a sense of balance and comfort you have given me. And for all of these reasons, I thank you.

All the while and in my most crazed moment, I took a breath. I realized that there is another woman in a parallel life who does not have art as solace and guidance. Who does not feel the grace and breath of color being mixed, brush being loaded, paper colored. She cannot express her fear, rage, strength and love for all the women who have come before and will come each day again and again to this same diagnosis. But I do.

This much I know, art saves lives. It has saved me before and I ask it to save me again. So let's 'make shit' like our lives depend on it. It does.