On Being Transparent
How necessary is transparency in our witness?I want to talk about that a little bit today in my Friday Round-Up!
Every Friday I like to share the biggest posts of the week here at the blog–let you know which ones really resonated, in case you missed them so that you can keep up. And often older posts start to go crazy again, and many of you haven’t been reading this blog that long and may have missed some of those older ones! So here’s your chance to read some of the oldies but goodies.
And today I also want to talk about authenticity and how we point people to God.
So here we go!
What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum?
#1 NEW Post on the Blog: Do Stay at Home Moms Have to Do All The Housework?
#1 on the Blog Overall: Top 10 Ways to Initiate Sex
#1 on Facebook: Why We Grew Apart (I was really vulnerable here!)
#1 on Pinterest: Why I Didn’t Rebel (a post my daughter wrote when she was 19)
On Transparency and Authenticity
On Tuesday I published a post asking, “Do too many people in our society think a good marriage is a pipe dream?” In other words, have young women given up on the idea of finding a good guy and getting married? I think many have, because they’ve never seen it. And then when they see pictures of happy young wives, it must look like something totally alien to them–“that could never be me.” So I asked–how do we show people that it is possible? How do we integrate people into the church?
I had a few commenters say, “we as Christians should stop portraying the perfect Christian family–stop putting those perfect pictures up on Facebook because they turn people off.”
Then on Thursday Meredith Carr wrote a guest post for me called “An Answer to the ICK“–all about what to do when you’re a stay at home mom and you get grumpy. She described a grumpy day and then pointed people back to Christ in the middle of it.
I had a commenter questioning whether it was right to portray motherhood as so bad, because it turns people off of motherhood.
I just thought that was funny–I’m getting criticized from both sides. One side says we shouldn’t show the happy side of family life and one side says we shouldn’t show the frustratingly grumpy side of family life!
Here’s what I think: we should be real. That’s it. Just be real! We should show all sides of life!
The two young women I referenced in Tuesday’s post who took that picture of their twin baby bumps on Facebook were being real (I know them in real life; they both do have good marriages and they’re both very happy). Meredith on Thursday was also being real.
All we can do is be real.
When we try to portray something other than what we are, we lose our authenticity.
And it is our authenticity that brings people to Christ.
Yes, there is a principle of appealing to people where they are at. In 1 Corinthians 9:20-22, Paul writes:
20 To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. 21 To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. 22 To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.
However, what he is talking about there is primarily a cultural thing–a whether or not to eat certain meats thing. When he’s with Jews he acts like a Jew so as to not offend. When he’s with Gentiles he acts like a Gentile. We should try to appeal to the culture.
But we should not do that by changing who we are. People long for authenticity, and people want to know what God has done in our lives. We can’t share that unless we also share our need for Him. We must be authentic.
It’s funny, but last Wednesday night I had a totally different idea of what I was going to write for my post last Thursday. I was going to do something on getting out of a rut in the bedroom or something. But I just felt like I was supposed to be vulnerable, and so I wrote a really long post describing some of the troubles Keith and I have had over the last three and a half years.
That post resonated so much, and I’ve received so many emails from it! I just shared that sometimes we struggle too.
Then I saw this review of 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, written by The Forgiven Wife:
I was very transparent in my new book. I did share a lot of the personal struggles I’ve had in the last few years (which have been rough). And I shared what God showed me through that. If you haven’t read it yet, here are links to everywhere you can get it.
The long and the short of it: I still am grieved by the problem I posted on Tuesday, about how to reach our culture and show our culture that a good marriage is still possible. But I don’t think the answer is EVER to stop being who we are. If anything, we should become more transparent. As we are transparent, people tend to see Jesus. In the words of John the Baptist,
He must become greater; I must become less. (John 3:30)
Want to Be Part of My Girl Talk Tour?
I’m booking now for my Girl Talk tours for this year, and I have some openings! Girl Talk is such a fun night when I come in to your church and give a talk for women about marriage, sex and intimacy. There’s also an anonymous Q&A period which is always the highlight of the night. If your church wants to be a part, all you have to do is email my assistant Tammy for more information.
November 5-16: North/South Carolina and Georgia
January 9-16: Florida/Georgia/Alabama/Louisiana
February 1-9: Texas
March 8-11: Colorado
Late March: Eastern Seaboard
April 16-20: Alberta
June: Maritime provinces
Next year I’m hitting the west and the heartland (California, Oregon, Washington, the Dakotas, Oklahoma, etc.) But this year that’s where I’ll be! A few of those dates are almost all booked up, but I do have some openings still.
To host a Girl Talk is so easy–we do basically all the work. And we suggest a $10 ticket which usually covers the vast majority of the cost. So it’s a great event for a church to put on, which also works really well as a women’s outreach!
If you want to be a part, email Tammy!
My Baby Girl Comes Home Tonight!
My daughter Katie has been away at university for the last six weeks. That’s the longest I’ve ever gone without seeing her in our lives–although we still talk everyday. And this weekend is Canadian Thanksgiving, so she’s on her way home! I’m so excited!
My older daughter and her husband aren’t coming home, but we’re heading up Monday to make turkey dinner for everybody, so we’ll see them, too. Yay!
If you want to see Katie at university, here’s one of the videos she made last month about how she has no idea what she’s doing:
And on Instagram…
Here’s my top post of the week:
A photo posted by Sheila Gregoire (@sheilagregoire) on Oct 8, 2015 at 7:15am PDT
Have a great weekend, everyone!
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