They Came From Outer Space
"They Came From Outer Space"
By C. Lee Spencer
Why hello, there! Welcome to the farm of the fantastical! We have here THE premiere attraction in all of Coon County. That's right. In 1957, a local named Joe "Big Bear" McCall awoke on a stormy night to find this here farm invaded by little green men. He fought them all night with his shotgun and his dog Pete. When morning came, the little suckers holed themselves up in a UFO on his back lawn where it still sits today! When poor "Big Bear" passed away some five years ago, we bought the property and built this here entertainment park in Coon County, Georgia.
As the sign on the road says, it's ten dollars per car load. I don't care how many people you stuff in the front, the back, or the trunk. Ten dollars is all I'll charge you!
Now, over there is my wife, Thelma. She's got herself a pitcher of dee-licious lemonade. It's a dollar a glass. Don't you fret. It's guaranteed gluten free! Just lemons, sugar, and sparkling water direct from my own personal well. Though the glasses all look different, I promise that they hold the same amount. We've got blue glasses, red glasses, sparkly glasses. My wife collects them all. She just can't help herself. Those late night shopping programs are like catnip to a lion!
All right. Come this way for the mysterious, the fantastical, the amazing, the shocking, the confounding sight of the first UFO kept in captivity! Step on up. Don't be shy. Now, you can see it's saucer shaped, like every good UFO should be. It's got a ladder there for them little guys to come climbing down. Sometimes we hear them at night, talking in their strange little language as they move about in the darkness. Now don't get scared, kids! They never come out during the day, and they never even say hello to us, and we're allowing them to sit here, rent free. It's a mutual sorta situation. They provide the attraction. We give them a home. So lets move on.
Here we got some alien assist gravity drives. Sure, they look like swings, but they're ALIEN swings! Watch out! One of them is looking at us from those bushes! Ha ha! Sorry. I try to get all my customers with that one. It's just a barrel with some paint on it. No, I could tell I wouldn't be able to fool you folks. And look, we got a mockup of the alien spaceship's insides. Naw, those ain't jungle gyms! Don't worry about that rust. No one's ever gotten lock jaw playing, er, exploring the alien ship. Hey parents, if you want some alone time away from the kids, it's two dollars to rent the playground... I mean ALIEN FORTRESS... for an hour. You can sit back, enjoy a lemonade knowing your kids are having the times of their lives on our state of the art play equipment.
No?
Well, over here, in this shed, you can see all kinds of strange equipment they used to dissect the various cows, goats, and chickens on this farm. Look at those vacuum tubes glow! Aliens have all the best technology! They got knobs and dials and wires and stuff, all to study the insides of our bodies so they know exactly how to invade us! And there, that's the examining table they used. Fake blood? Fake nothing! That's real, grade A, American cow blood from a cow they scientifically inspected with their space tools!
Well, come this way. This is the end of the tour. Now, you gotta keep this place a secret! I can't have those government fellas coming in here and taking away my aliens! I hope you enjoyed the attraction. And if you still want that lemonade, my wife can...
Now, that's funny. It wasn't like that a moment ago. I wonder if someone plugged it in. Why, all this time I didn't know it could glow like that! I gotta charge extra for this. Oh, not you good people. You get the one-time rate of $10 for this new spectacular stage show! Wow!
Why's the top opening? Well, folks, this is mighty strange. In all of five years, I never saw its top open like that. And what is that? Some sort of rod? Pole? Looks like the handle of a vacuum cleaner. Don't worry about the sound it's making. It's probably just winding up. Or winding down. Or something. Let me just stand behind this tractor. Let's use our inside voices, right kids? Boy, with all the screaming you're doing, you should really reconsider Thelma's lemonade! Your throats must be...
It just set the farmhouse on fire! Well, my insurance company is gonna be... NOT BESSIE! That was my favorite cow you just burned! Thelma! Thelma! Run for the road, sweetheart! RUN!
Sorry about your car, but we can't take responsibility for causing its destruction. Every man's for himself! The show's over! Run! Run!
(Copyright ©2015 Christopher L. Spencer)
Be sure to click the blue frog below to find more #Octoberfrights blog posts!
By C. Lee Spencer
Why hello, there! Welcome to the farm of the fantastical! We have here THE premiere attraction in all of Coon County. That's right. In 1957, a local named Joe "Big Bear" McCall awoke on a stormy night to find this here farm invaded by little green men. He fought them all night with his shotgun and his dog Pete. When morning came, the little suckers holed themselves up in a UFO on his back lawn where it still sits today! When poor "Big Bear" passed away some five years ago, we bought the property and built this here entertainment park in Coon County, Georgia.
As the sign on the road says, it's ten dollars per car load. I don't care how many people you stuff in the front, the back, or the trunk. Ten dollars is all I'll charge you!
Now, over there is my wife, Thelma. She's got herself a pitcher of dee-licious lemonade. It's a dollar a glass. Don't you fret. It's guaranteed gluten free! Just lemons, sugar, and sparkling water direct from my own personal well. Though the glasses all look different, I promise that they hold the same amount. We've got blue glasses, red glasses, sparkly glasses. My wife collects them all. She just can't help herself. Those late night shopping programs are like catnip to a lion!
All right. Come this way for the mysterious, the fantastical, the amazing, the shocking, the confounding sight of the first UFO kept in captivity! Step on up. Don't be shy. Now, you can see it's saucer shaped, like every good UFO should be. It's got a ladder there for them little guys to come climbing down. Sometimes we hear them at night, talking in their strange little language as they move about in the darkness. Now don't get scared, kids! They never come out during the day, and they never even say hello to us, and we're allowing them to sit here, rent free. It's a mutual sorta situation. They provide the attraction. We give them a home. So lets move on.
Here we got some alien assist gravity drives. Sure, they look like swings, but they're ALIEN swings! Watch out! One of them is looking at us from those bushes! Ha ha! Sorry. I try to get all my customers with that one. It's just a barrel with some paint on it. No, I could tell I wouldn't be able to fool you folks. And look, we got a mockup of the alien spaceship's insides. Naw, those ain't jungle gyms! Don't worry about that rust. No one's ever gotten lock jaw playing, er, exploring the alien ship. Hey parents, if you want some alone time away from the kids, it's two dollars to rent the playground... I mean ALIEN FORTRESS... for an hour. You can sit back, enjoy a lemonade knowing your kids are having the times of their lives on our state of the art play equipment.
No?
Well, over here, in this shed, you can see all kinds of strange equipment they used to dissect the various cows, goats, and chickens on this farm. Look at those vacuum tubes glow! Aliens have all the best technology! They got knobs and dials and wires and stuff, all to study the insides of our bodies so they know exactly how to invade us! And there, that's the examining table they used. Fake blood? Fake nothing! That's real, grade A, American cow blood from a cow they scientifically inspected with their space tools!
Well, come this way. This is the end of the tour. Now, you gotta keep this place a secret! I can't have those government fellas coming in here and taking away my aliens! I hope you enjoyed the attraction. And if you still want that lemonade, my wife can...
Now, that's funny. It wasn't like that a moment ago. I wonder if someone plugged it in. Why, all this time I didn't know it could glow like that! I gotta charge extra for this. Oh, not you good people. You get the one-time rate of $10 for this new spectacular stage show! Wow!
Why's the top opening? Well, folks, this is mighty strange. In all of five years, I never saw its top open like that. And what is that? Some sort of rod? Pole? Looks like the handle of a vacuum cleaner. Don't worry about the sound it's making. It's probably just winding up. Or winding down. Or something. Let me just stand behind this tractor. Let's use our inside voices, right kids? Boy, with all the screaming you're doing, you should really reconsider Thelma's lemonade! Your throats must be...
It just set the farmhouse on fire! Well, my insurance company is gonna be... NOT BESSIE! That was my favorite cow you just burned! Thelma! Thelma! Run for the road, sweetheart! RUN!
Sorry about your car, but we can't take responsibility for causing its destruction. Every man's for himself! The show's over! Run! Run!
(Copyright ©2015 Christopher L. Spencer)
Be sure to click the blue frog below to find more #Octoberfrights blog posts!
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A.F.
(new)
Oct 08, 2015 06:08AM
Poor Bessie. Loved the story.
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Fantastic story. I really liked the way you approached it. I imagined the entire time walking around with this old Carnie who's just waving his hands about talking and blabbing on and on. Stinks of cigars and cheap whiskey and wearing a two piece suit that wasn't fashionable twenty years before. Good job.
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