October 6, 2015: My hatred for my new Toronto place goes up to 11!

So, I arrived in my new Toronto apartment today.  Because I live on the other side of the country, I wasn’t able to visit the place first but, instead, based my decision on the specs and photos.  It looked nice enough and, surely, it couldn’t be any worse than the place we stayed last year with the incessant 7 am to 7 pm construction right next door.  Could it?

Well…

“Cosy” best describes my parking spot in the deep bowels of the building parkade, located roughly in the seventh circle somewhere between the profligates and blasphemers.  “You might want to back it in,”I was advised.

This long, useless, space-waster of a corridor greets you as you enter the place.

Here allow me to hang up your jacket, sir.  As for you, ma’am, you’ll have to keep yours on as we only have on hanger.

A cactus!  Perfect for unwitting dogs or, in tonight’s case, an equally unwary writing partner.  Hope he remembers to clean the wound when he gets home!

How thoughtful of the owners not to bother to clear out their shit.  That empty honey jar may come in handy.  As will that gently used toothbrush and shaving kit under the sink.

They were kind enough to leave us a half-used container of jalapeño mustard and a box of feminine napkins but, alas, no dust pan…which would have come in handy –

After I knocked over the unwieldy potted plant in the front room.  As it turns out, it’s impossible to just go out and buy a dust pan at 9:00 p.m. in Toronto…so that dirt will just stay right there for now.

Who needs bedrooms drawers when you have these handsome old coca-cola crates?  I’m kind of disappointed they didn’t leave their used milk cartons behind for sock storage.

No blinds on the entire east wall of windows offers everyone an unobstructed view into our personal lives.

Frustrated with my inability to properly store away any of our belongings, I decided to take a break and catch the Astros-Yankees wildcard game.

Really?  Basic cable package doesn’t cover the Sports Network?  Okay, I’ll just switch on over to AMC and catch a rerun of The Walking Dead in advance of its season premiere next weekend.

Are you shitting me?  Really?  No AMC either?  Okay, fine.  Food Network it is!

COME ON!!!

There’s also a balcony so treacherous-looking that I’m seriously considering krazy-gluing shot to ensure Akemi and the dogs NEVER set foot on it.

Finally, let me leave you with the little decorative touches that adorn the place…

In the event of a power failure this winter, I’m sure I’ll rethink critiquing this horrendous wall-mounted blanket.

And I suppose these wall-mounted snowshoes COULD also come in handy as well.

The arts & crafts ottoman?  Probably not.

ADDENDUM: Discovered the shoebox-sized Easy Bake oven.  Here it is, in action, warming up my leftover pizza slice:

Akemi is NOT going to like this.