Feedback Request

Those crazy American Pawnbrokers are back. Is there no one who can stop them?


Former FBI consultant Flynn Christopher is asked by a friend at the bureau for a favor; let the FBI use Flynn’s Baltimore area pawn shops for a sting involving fake credit cards. Their target is Alexei Antonov a former Russian Colonel.

It’s supposed to be simple, do a meet and greet and leave it to the professionals, but Antonov “Google's” [Googles]  Flynn before the meeting. He learns Flynn is well connected to the American Pawnbrokers Association, [and] just the guy Antonov needs.

Antonov is about to pull off the heist of the century, countless millions in diamonds from a processing and cutting plant deep in the Ural mountains. However he lacks a network to sell the stones, reputable dealers won’t handle diamonds with an unknown history, but he thinks pawnbrokers will. [I'd go with semicolon after "stones" and period after "history."]

They start small, a couple of hundred carats for Flynn and some friends. When the fake network is expanded Antonov is hooked. But Flynn acts like this is a game,provoke Antonov, get him to expose himself so the FBI can follow the money and roll him up. [Either period after "game" and start new sentence with "He" or change "provoke" and "get" to "provoking" and "getting."]

Then the impulsive Flynn makes up [comes up with] a plan on [of] his own own, [colon] make Antonov believe he’s been double crossed.It’s classic Flynn, he can't’ [can't] resist taunting the lion in the cage, but this time the cage door comes open. [Semicolon after "Flynn" and period after "cage."]


Notes

Not bad. So, was Antonov ever involved in credit card fraud? Because that still seems like it might be more interesting to the FBI than diamonds stolen from a Ural Mts. mine. 

A sting is a good way to catch someone selling stolen credit card numbers. If a guy has millions in stolen diamonds, can't they just swoop in and arrest him with the goods?