Feedback Request

The author of the query featured most recently here has submitted the revision below, and awaits your response.


Although sixteen-year-old Theia Bryar believes she is being abducted, she is actually being taken home. On an island inhabited by the Naturae, people who can control earth, air, fire or water, Theia learns why the sun has always shone when she’s happy, while thunder answers her cries of anger. She is the daughter of Mother Nature, and controls [has power?] over all four elements. 

With humans ravaging the Earth, the Naturae have been drained of their health and their powers [devitalized? weakened?]. But Theia remains strong, her father’s human blood keeping the illness that grips the pure Naturae at bay. She is the only one who can stop the devastation, and has been brought back to the island to do just that. Immersed in a new world, Theia is thrilled at the chance to get to know her birth mother, develop friendships and explore a budding romance. And learning to harness the elements proves to be easy for her, from controlling the tides to conducting lightening [lightning]. [Is that conducting like conducting an orchestra or like conducting it to a specific place? Or is there a better word?]

But soon Theia discovers that life on the island is not as perfect as it seems. Not all of her friends can be trusted, the romance she longs for is forbidden, and she misses the father and half-sister she left behind. And then Theia stumbles onto a terrible secret. Mother Nature doesn’t just want to heal the Earth- she wants to eliminate the threat of humanity completely. And she intends to steal Theia’s powers to put her plan into action. Now Theia must figure out how to unite the Earth and it’s [its] people before she finds the blood of all humanity on her hands. [Not clear how "uniting the Earth and its people" prevents Mother Nature from killing us. A few tsunamis and earthquakes, and we'll all be running around like headless chickens.]

EARTH EYES is a paranormal YA novel, which puts a dark twist on the usual perceptions of Mother Nature. It is a standalone novel with series potential complete at 52,000 words.


[This seems to me to be in pretty good shape.]