On being judgemental

Today while driving to office the 2nd born and I gave a ride to one retired neighbour.  He spends his retired life doing sewa (social service).  Now herein lies a catch.  The sewa is only for the caste/community he belongs to.

I find conversation with this neighbour tedious at times.  On previous occasions that I have dropped him to his destination, he has spoken of things I can’t relate to.  Of how girls get married to the “good and noble” sons of a family and then take the sons away from the parents.  More power to the girl, I once quipped cheekily.  In all honesty, that is how I feel about it.  Relationships between aged parents and grown up children is like walking through a lush paddy field of love, heavily mined with combustible charges named “unreal expectations”, “individuality”, “the right to wear a beard”, “the kind of hours we keep”, “who gets to handle my pay check” etc etc.

Best to either sort these things out at the outset, something neither parents nor sons think is important when they set up joint family homes optimistically, and then it is too late.  All that is left is hurt feelings, ego, bitchy comments and ruined relationships.

The term “In-law” was coined by a person who had a weird sense of humour.  Out-law is more appropriate though mild.  “That bitch” is the term mostly used out of earshot I think.  This gentleman definitely implied it.

“Behenji, yeh ghar todne aati hain,” he said once.  “Good for her” I’d said.  “Couples need to live with each other, not with other couples.”  I did not find him waiting for me at the kerb for the next few weeks.

Today he began the conversation with complaining as to why communalism as ruined India.  I agreed.  He said Surya Namaskar is good exercise and should have been made compulsory in schools.  I agreed to an extent, just added that it being optional is better.  So far so good.  Then he spoke of how voting rights should be withheld from people of Islamic faith in our very neo Hindu India.   I tuned off.  Sweeping generalizations with a seasoning of venom always puts me off.

The son told him off in no uncertain terms.  Maybe the neighbour won’t hitch a ride with us for another period of time.

What gets me is the sweeping generalizations people of my age and above are prone to make.

All daughter in laws are bad
The girl my son is dating is bad for him, just because she threatens my power over him.
All members of a certain community are bad
People from a certain caste are better than others because I was born to that caste.
People with different sexual orientation are bad.
Everyone is bad except me and mine.

Why are we so scared of the world?  It is a beautiful place with so many people doing their own thing.  Why do we want them to fit into a mould of our liking?  It will make the world so boring.  Stop judging people, please.  Stop judging the world.  It makes one think that everyone is bad.  No one is bad or good, they just are.  They, like us, did not ask to be given a shitty life.  They’re just dealing with it the best they can, just like us.

And if people weren’t different, how would we get gems like this to make our Mondays better?

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