#WednesdayFreeWrite
THE BREAK UP
Dear American Spirits in the yellow box (you fucking sexy bastards):
Numerous scientific reports
countless studies
experts
health care professionals
my mom
agree on one thing:
you are a murderer
and I must quit you
But do they know
can they ever understand
the depth of our love
the desire
the need
Are they aware
you are my first thought
when I wake every morning
Do they understand
how you compliment
my other lover
that sexy dark bastard
coffee
And shit
you + a glass of bourbon
goddamned fucking heaven
Were they in bed with us
when I fucked that boy
then booted him out
so I could fuck that girl
the next morning
Were they on the phone with us
while I sobbed and raged
and then finally calmed
as my mom relayed
the death of my childhood dog
Were they in that bar with us
as we sang our hearts out
to the Backstreet Boys
“I Want It That Way”
totally off key
Were they up
three nights in a row with us
as I finished my Note
only to have the computer crash
and lose all of my work
Were they by our side
as we battled the bulge
and won the war
to be super skinny
and ultra chic
no matter the cost
Were they around to celebrate with us
when I finally got rid of that guy
the annoying one
who lived off his trust fund
and his good lucks
but was dumb as shit
They weren’t
not for one single moment
of any of the moments
that make up the whole
of us
me and you
a girl and her smokes
They don’t understand
and they never will
But see here’s the thing
I just found out
that by some dumb luck
I’m knocked up
and me and The Husband
we’re going to give it a go
try on this thing
called Parenthood
So you and me
we’ve gotta part ways
and I know it’s going to be tough
and shitty
and just all around fucked up
but a girl’s gotta do
what a girl’s gotta do
Take comfort in the knowledge
that I never gave into all that peer pressure
to quit you
I held my ground
and stayed strong
refusing to listen to the facts
threats
pleas
Know that this is my decision
and mine alone
no one else
could have made me leave you
And should I make it
to my ninetieth birthday
know that I’ll be back
It’ll be like the old days
(except my ass will sag
and my tits will touch my belly button)
me you and that sexy bottle of bourbon
fucking each other silly
all
night
long
Sincerely and with loads of mad love,
a healthier
cleaner-lunged
stronger-hearted
thicker-thighed
bigger-bootied
sweeter-smelling
fresh-breathed
bright-eyed
fucking gorgeous-skinned
Me
In case you’re wondering, no! I’m not pregnant. But it is true that I only broke up with my beloved American Spirits upon discovering I was pregnant with The Kid.
My #WednesdayFreeWrite series is based on what I write during the 10 minutes allotted my writing group’s Wednesday Prompt. As always, these pieces are works of fiction, erupting from my incredibly over-active imagination. They are unedited and unscripted, super loose and probably my favorite ten minutes of the week. They are perfect in their imperfections and I hope you enjoy.
