Don’t Let Your Inner Critic Boss You Around

Tomorrow, I want you to count how many times you criticize yourself. Keep a pen and notepaper handy and mark down every time you say something critical of yourself in your head (or out loud).

The next day look over your list and think about what that criticism did for you. If your critique made a difference by informing you of something, by teaching you something, by pushing you to be a better you, great. If all you did was criticize yourself, ask yourself: How this is working for me? After all, you’ve been doing it for years, right? What’s it got you?

If the answer is, “Not much that’s positive,” consider pushing back against your inner critic by offsetting every negative inclination with an approving thought.

“Damn, I keep dropping stitches, I’ll never get beyond kitting scarves.” becomes “Look how much better I’m getting at making beautiful scarves. Once I’ve mastered keeping all the stitches where they should be I can branch out to something with a pattern.”

“I’m no kind of cook. Better to just accept my limitations,” becomes “This recipe is far more complicated than I thought it would be. Next time I’ll have to follow the instructions carefully until I get a feel for it.”

“I just don’t know what to do with my daughter. I can’t seem to get through to her. I’m a lousy mother,” becomes “Kristen is at a very challenging phase an it’s testing my skills as a mom. I’m doing my best but I’d better ask a couple of friends whom I respect how they would handle this situation.”

I’ve met people who routinely call themselves dumb. Out loud. Or idiot. Out loud. I’ve caught myself doing it.  I strongly believe that the brain believes what the ear hears, so when I catch my Inner Critic trying to boss me around I say, “Hold on now girlfriend, that’s a little harsh.” Then I reframe what I’m thinking in kinder terms.

What I’ve found is that using approving thoughts to counteract my Inner Critic makes me better at making decisions and the fear my Inner Critic instills doesn’t end up paralyzing me. By focusing on what is good — as opposed to listening to what is bad — about me, I became confident that my choices were good ones. That’s not to say that I’ve silenced my Inner Critic. I just don’t let her boss me around.

Please don’t let your Inner Critic barrage you with thoughts that hurt you, that try to restrict you, or that are destructive to you. Tell your Inner Critic to STFU.

You are wonderful. You are human and make mistakes, but you learn from them. You are capable and strong and you will keep growing. You are kind and you should think the world of yourself.