Just A Reminder
(Or a PSA, I guess, for newer readers. NOT aimed at anyone in particular; just something that has bugged me on several recent occasions.)
I identify as male. I have done so for at least thirty years, but for most of my life (including my writing career) I presented as physically female, so I don't expect everyone to know. I try to be pretty open and easygoing about it and am generally happy to answer whatever (polite) questions people may have.
I am now in the early stages of FTM transition. Due to my health and financial issues, I don't know how far my transition will go, but I'm doing my best to live as male. For now, mainly because I know I'm nowhere near passing* yet, I'm not picky about pronouns. You can call me "he," "she," "they," "zie,"** or even "it" (though of course you should never call anyone "it" unless they have specifically said you could).
HOWEVER -- and I don't know why this should be any different from the pronouns, only that it is -- I am really bothered by feminine nicknames and forms of address. Please, please, please don't address or refer to me as "lady," "woman," "ma'am," "miss," "sister," "girlie," "Mom" (I only get that one at the vet or in other cat references, as if I'd birthed a litter of kittens), Chris' "wife," or anything else like that. I know you're just being friendly, not meaning to hurt, but it's like sandpaper on my spine. Thank you for respecting this.
*"Passing," in this context, means having other people physically perceive you as the gender you identify with rather than the one you were assigned at birth.
**Gender-neutral pronoun. I'm not crazy about these (zie, hir, etc.), but I'm beginning to see how useful they can be.
I identify as male. I have done so for at least thirty years, but for most of my life (including my writing career) I presented as physically female, so I don't expect everyone to know. I try to be pretty open and easygoing about it and am generally happy to answer whatever (polite) questions people may have.
I am now in the early stages of FTM transition. Due to my health and financial issues, I don't know how far my transition will go, but I'm doing my best to live as male. For now, mainly because I know I'm nowhere near passing* yet, I'm not picky about pronouns. You can call me "he," "she," "they," "zie,"** or even "it" (though of course you should never call anyone "it" unless they have specifically said you could).
HOWEVER -- and I don't know why this should be any different from the pronouns, only that it is -- I am really bothered by feminine nicknames and forms of address. Please, please, please don't address or refer to me as "lady," "woman," "ma'am," "miss," "sister," "girlie," "Mom" (I only get that one at the vet or in other cat references, as if I'd birthed a litter of kittens), Chris' "wife," or anything else like that. I know you're just being friendly, not meaning to hurt, but it's like sandpaper on my spine. Thank you for respecting this.
*"Passing," in this context, means having other people physically perceive you as the gender you identify with rather than the one you were assigned at birth.
**Gender-neutral pronoun. I'm not crazy about these (zie, hir, etc.), but I'm beginning to see how useful they can be.
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