The Right Way to Ask for Help

Most of us have a hard time asking for the help we need. We don’t want to be a bother or we feel vulnerable or embarrassed, so the question goes unasked and then, of course, it goes unanswered.

Then, not only do we go without help, but we miss a chance to connect and cooperate with each other.

By asking for help — the right way —  you also give others a chance to feel good. Helping others makes us feel better, more connected, and valued. Everybody benefits.

The Right Way to Ask for Help

So don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it, but here are some tips to make asking easier.

Be specific. Limit the scope of your ask and be very specific. I need someone to help me paint the house at 2 p.m., are you available? Can you help me fold the laundry Saturday morning at 10 a.m.?

Let go of outcomes. Don’t add any drama to the ask by expecting a certain response. Ask for what you need, without expectation – nobody has to deliver it to you of course. But hold no resentment if they don’t. And  Do Not read into the response. If “no” is the answer, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care. If they say “yes” don’t create some story line about how they felt obligated to help.  Ask and accept any answer at face value.

Ask for expertise. Some of my friends are great at helping with my kid, others can give gardening advice or business insights. Go straight to the expert when asking for a specific kind of help. In other words, I wouldn’t ask my husband to cook the meal for the potluck, but he’s an awesome helper when it comes to fixing the garbage disposal.