Mercury in Retrograde: Prepare for Pandemonium

Hmmm, is there a safe place to lay low for the next three weeks while Mercury takes a nap?

I have never paid much attention to the field of astrology. The idea that there is a relationship between astronomical phenomena and human behaviour has always seemed far-fetched. But if things go awry over the next three weeks, I may jump on the bandwagon.

We are entering into a period which, in astrology terms, is known as “Mercury in retrograde”. Sounds like a great name for a rock band. But that’s another story.

I did a bit of Google research on the subject. Mercury is the planet closet to the sun and therefore has an orbit that is much shorter than Earth`s. Three or four times a year Mercury goes speeding past Earth. The effect we see is that Mercury appears to moving backwards during this period. It is, authorities assure us, purely an optical illusion.

Enter astrology enthusiasts who assert that there is a “fractal relationship” between the movement of the planets and human activity. What is a fractal, you ask. Good question.

Apparently, fractal has something to do with geometrical structures with an irregular or fragmented shape and mathematical or physical properties of their structure and the curve or flow rate in a porous medium. In other words, I do not have a clue what it means.

Back to the subject at hand. In the world of astrology, the planet Mercury rules all types of communications. It also rules all formal contracts and agreements and even has under its domain all types of code including computer codes, transportation, shipping and travel.

So while Mercury is in retrograde, which is a resting or sleeping state, all of the above is at risk of coming unraveled and spinning out of control. Pandemonium will ensue!

One astrologist I came across cautions us to not do anything involving communication (such as launch a magazine, website or advertising or publicity campaigns), sign any contracts or, heaven forbid, have plastic surgery or other elective surgery in this period. Darn – I was just about to check in to the clinic for a nose job and a tummy tuck. Now I will have to delay it.

But it occurs to me that Mercury in retrograde could come in handy as an excuse.

If I screw up at work, I can just throw up my hands and exclaim: Not my fault. That damn Mercury retrograde pulled the rug out from under me!

It will also prove helpful for all of us men when, as we are prone to, we do something thoughtless or inconsiderate in our relationship with our better half. I’m really sorry, sweetheart. It sounded like such a good idea at the time. Mercury is in retrograde and it is making me all confused and befuddled.

Mercury in retrograde, it would seem, is an astronomical metaphor for a “get out of jail free card”. It could literally be a politician’s best friend. Did I really make that promise? When exactly? Oh, that explains it. Mercury was in retrograde. I can’t be held responsible.

So, for now until October 9, tread carefully. Mercury is sleeping. Fractal at your own risk.

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of “Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel” – double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .

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