"So, when I was a kid people always asked mewhat I would want my super power to be.I mean, if I..."

“So, when I was a kid people always asked me

what I would want my super power to be.

I mean, if I could have one.

And I took my time, at first–really thought about it.

Because this is a big deal when you’re a second grader

and you can’t get it WRONG because

what if someone actually gives you that power

and then you’re stuck shooting cheez wiz from your nose

for the rest of your life?

No, I agonized over it: tried to imagine life

with the power of flight, or invisibility, or telekinesis–

and I finally figured it out.

I want to heal people.

It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

It wasn’t until later that I would realize

my own addiction to giving my body like sacrifice.

I knew when I was eight that I wanted to make people better,

but I was an adult, three years into therapy, before

I understood just how many limbs I was willing

to cut off to keep the people I loved

standing.

And suddenly I knew my limits but

I didn’t know how to respect them, and every

desperate ounce of selfishness in self preservation

weighed on my back like an anchor

and I realized: I was drowning whether

I saved everyone or not.

There is no survival in turning the people

around you into altars and laying at their feet.

There is no room.

They will keep pieces of you, but

they will not leave the light on.

They will not make the bed.

They won’t do it to hurt you, it’s just that they

will have learned to love without making

communion wine out of themselves.

I learned the hard way that people

do not have to be selfless

to be good people.

I just never learned how to love them right.

My heart stalls at sixty miles per hour–

I have only ever known how to floor it.

Full speed ahead.

With my own two hands

wrapped in tissue paper

like an offering.”

- I AM NOT A SUPERHERO by Ashe Vernon (via latenightcornerstore)