The Rest of the Story

“I’ve had it! Our marriage is a sham. I really believe it would be better for the kids to not be exposed to the constant tension in our home. I just want to be done with it.”

I’m guessing that you’ve heard these pain-filled words from a family member or friend and found yourself at a loss as to what to say.

Setting aside for a few minutes what the Bible has to say about divorce, and who’s to blame for the disintegration of the marriage, here’s what I tell anyone who is contemplating initiating a divorce and is saying; “I just want to be done with it (or her, in this case) and move on.”

The Rest of the Story
“The truth is as long as you live, if you have children, you will never be done with it. For the rest of your life, every holiday, every birthday, every graduation and every wedding involving your children will be a negotiation. You not only will have to negotiate the shared custody schedule with your spouse, as your kids get older they will be increasingly reluctant to continue to be pawns in this game and will generally want to spend less time with both of you. While this is difficult for you to imagine, it occurs with enough frequency, particularly among teenagers, that it is almost always detrimental to your relationship with your child.

They will feel guilty on holidays because one of you is alone. They will feel pumped for information about your ex and violated if that information is used by you against her. They feel helpless and they resent being put in that position. As a result, they will talk less to both of you and you’ll truly wonder – “why?”