The X Factor is here again…

I always say I won’t watch this programme again, as I find it too emotionally painful, for me and the contestants. However, the family love it, so in a way I must endure it.It reminds me of gladiators, boldly walking into the lion’s den, so to speak, knowing it could all be for nothing. Oblivious to the crowd calling for their blood, they give it their best shot and we applaud their bravery.
The premise is a good one though, the chance of finding new singing talent is exciting, but all too often it sinks into a farce. I swear that some of the people who enter only do it for a laugh, for they just can’t sing at all, then get annoyed and indignant when they are rejected.
Most viewers find this part the funniest part of all, but I have never been one to laugh at the misfortunes of others, even if they are literally begging to be ridiculed. Even the ones who can sing beautifully are usually so traumatised by the experience they can hardly talk, let alone sing.
I understand I am probably over sensitive when it comes to the emotions this show provokes, for I acutely feel their longing, their overpowering need to succeed at something. Something deep inside me wants them to astound and move the audience with their voice and personality. For I remember feeling this desperate need to win, to actually achieve something worthwhile. That overpowering emotional longing is still there every time I hear wonderful music, look at beautiful objects, or read an amazing book.
My father, who I never had the good fortune to meet, played the piano like a master. Many people loved to hear him play, I am told. Wanting to find some heredity link, like some buried treasure, I had countless lessons in my desire to learn to play the piano too.  My reasoning was, the talent had to be inside me somewhere, didn’t it?
Well, I learned to read music, and eventually I could play a little, but with only one hand. I discovered to my sorrow that my hands were not coordinated and probably never could be. So every time I hear a magnificent piano concerto, Grieg is my all-time favourite, I am saddened by the knowledge that my father’s genes were only partly born in me. Knowing this, however, doesn’t stop the longing or the endless yearning.
There is always a part in XFactor when an unlikely candidate walks on, and you think, not another waste of time. Then the music and the magic start and blows you away. Not only can they sing, but usually with tears running down their faces, and at the end, water has leaked from your eyes too.
Even though you know that every detail of this programme has been painstakingly designed to entertain, you watch their joy and find yourself caring too much, reflecting all of your own desires and dreams. How you would love to feel like that, even if only for a few moments. It must be truly amazing.