You Never Know

We arrived at the island airport feeling relaxed and rejuvenated. Our days of enjoying the beach, relaxing, reading and spending time as a family had come to a close. We had had a great time and intended on taking our now blissful state of mind home with us. However, this particular airport is known for quickly erasing all of the good that comes from a great vacation on this small piece of paradise, if you let it. The airport is small, crowded, and essentially outdoors. The gentle breezes we felt on the beach while enjoying cold beverages weren’t present in the crowded ticket counter area. Instead, there were stifling lines of suitcase laden, sunburned travelers that wound around several times and back out the side of the open fronted building. The airport employees live on island time, and are never in a hurry to move lines along in an expeditious manner, no matter how close travelers are to their boarding time. With our past experiences here, it was easy to assume that most of the travelers were irritable and impatient.

Fortunately we were able to bypass the ridiculously long line (the airline credit card has its advantages) and join the shorter line. Thirty minutes later we had not moved forward even one inch, Apparently, the family several groups ahead of us had encountered significant problems with their tickets, resulting in our line going nowhere. The longer line inched forward at a snail’s pace, so neither line was a great option at this point.

I looked out over the crowd and didn’t see many smiling faces. I repositioned my roll-on suitcase, and accidentally bumped into the woman standing behind us. I apologized, but the look on her face in response was severe. She gave an audible sigh of what I thought was disgust. However, when I looked into her eyes to issue an apology, I saw pain and sadness, not anger. The exchange took less than five seconds, but as I turned and reclaimed my place in line, I began to feel uneasy. I realized that my assumption that the woman behind me was angry didn’t feel right. Something else was wrong.

A few minutes later, the group at the counter seemed to have resolved their issues, and were moving on to the US Customs line. I turned to the woman behind me and commented on how nice it was that we were finally moving forward. She nodded and looked at me, but now with tears in her eyes. I asked her if she was okay, and she shared that a few hours earlier she received a call letting her know that her mother passed away. This devastating news put her in a state of grief and shock, cut short a special two-week vacation with her youngest daughter and put her in a position of facing the headache of revising travel arrangements with short notice. I expressed my sympathies, and she then shared more about the circumstances leading up to her mother’s death. She needed to talk, and I was there to listen for that short time. She thanked me and offered a slight smile at the end of our conversation.

Later, as I sat on the plane, I thought about how I had misjudged this woman. She was sad, not angry. I thought about how often we make incorrect assumptions about people and what is going on in their lives. Even when we think we know, many times we don’t. It’s also easy to misjudge our children (even teens) and think they are being difficult and defiant when they may be tired, hungry, stressed or upset.

I think it is important to be aware of the judgements we make about other people, and take more time to be understanding and open to the possibility that the emotion people may share on the surface may not represent what is going on with them internally. Maybe this shift will make us all more empathetic and change our reactions and interactions with others, for the positive. Imagine the good that could come from such a simple change.