Hold on!
How often, when you call a business, are you forced to listen to someone else’s choice in music? Hold music exists to reassure you that someone has not forgotten you. That a live person will be with you shortly, because your call is important to them. And, by the way, it’s so important that it might be recorded for posterity. So just chill and listen to the music.
Last week I called a surgery center and was put on hold. I could not make this up—the hold music was Frank Sinatra singing I’ve Got You Under My Skin. Naturally, I envisioned an X-ray of surgical implements left inside a patient.
OK, maybe that wasn’t a natural reaction, but it was mine and it was disconcerting. It made me think of all the hold music that could either enhance or detract from the business you’re calling. If you’re in charge of a business or organization, here are some tips for choosing hold music.
Imagine you’re on hold for the business, and you’re listening to one of the Bad choices:
Dentist
Good—When You’re Smiling
Bad—I’ll Never Smile Again
Cancer Society
Good—Every Breath You Take
Bad—Smoke! Smoke! Smoke That Cigarette!
Alcoholics Anonymous
Good—I Walk the Line
Bad—Rum and Coca Cola, Tequila, Scotch & Soda, Red Red Wine, Drunk in Love, One Mint Julep, Beer Barrel Polka, Cocktails for Two, Piña Colada Song, Cold Gin, Cracklin’ Rosie, I’ll Drink to That, John Barleycorn, Knockin’ ’em Back, Liquor Store Blues, Poison Whiskey, Six Pack, White Lightning, Little Brown Jug, Longneck Bottle, Margaritaville, Rehab, Strawberry Wine, Tipsy, Just Another Tequila Sunrise, The Parting Glass, Have Some Madeira M’Dear, Bottoms Up, What Shall We Do With a Drunken Sailor, Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum, Red Solo Cup, Mountain Dew, Set ‘Em Up Joe, Two More Bottles of Wine
(So many. Could this be part of the problem …?)
UPS
Good—You Send Me
Bad—Return to Sender
National Earthquake Information Center
Good—In the Still of the Night
Bad—Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On
Hearing Aid store
Good—I Hear You Knockin’
Bad—What’d I Say?
Revlon Headquarters
Good—I Only Have Eyes for You
Bad—Maybellene
(I know the cosmetics company spells it differently, but that’s the spelling of the original 1955 hit by Chuck Berry)
Plastic surgeon
Good—Forever Young
Bad—Just the Way You Are
(Billy Joel or Bruno Mars, either one)
US Weather Service
Good—Here Comes the Sun
Bad—Stormy Weather
Marriage Counselor
Good—Stand By Me
Bad—D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Tanning Salon
Good—Girl From Ipanema
Bad—Whiter Shade of Pale
Self-help guru
Good—High Hopes
Bad—You Can’t Always Get What You Want
Mental Health Clinic
Good—Everything’s Gonna Be All Right
Bad—Crazy
After all, hold music provides potential customers or clients a few minutes to ponder the reason they’re calling you in the first place. If phone calls really are important to you, why give them a reason to reconsider before you’ve even answered?
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