T minus 4

Back to the countdown to baby…

I've realised a number of things.

I'm not good at the daily countdown. I've missed two entries. I had so many thoughts but the tingle in my fingers to blog them faded. Perhaps it was a conservation of energy for organisation/relaxation purposes.

Next, I have no idea what the 'T' in 'T minus' stands for.

But best of all, all the 'urgent' tasks are complete now and the intense levels of anxiety that things would not be ready have now subsided. The house is organised. The bags are packed, the urgent admin is complete.

I now make the unofficial and entirely self-certified declaration that I am now on "maternity leave". Yes, all four days of it.

Howveer since I write freelance I think this self determination is significant nonetheless. After all, when does a writer/blogger who writes about the world around them ever really stop?

I do wonder if there is really truly an 'off' switch. And even if there is an off, there is the worry that the 'on' button might be hard to find or slow to reignite (like those energy saving bulbs).

I have been off duty since this afternoon and what I have enjoyed the most is this incredible sense of liberation, not just because I'm free to think of myself and baby but from a life perspective too. Suddenly life is organises – no rushing or emergencies. Nothing I must do. My time really is my own and I can direct it how I want to do things that I want to do and I enjoy. It's a fabulous feeling before a big life change, but I like this sense of lightness and liberation as a general lifestyle. I'm going to see if I can hang onto it.

Four days to go and I can now think about what happens next instead of coming to a mental standstill when I think past the delivery room.

I've had one overwhelming thought through reading the pregnancy guides, going to classes and absorbing baby knowledge through conversation and Internet surfing, and it's this… Having a baby seems to be a bit like getting married. All anyone seems to talk about is the big day itself, the preparations and the ups and downs. Almost nobody talks about what happens afterwards, and surely with both a marriage and a baby (admittedly labour is a tough and fraught experience but it is a transition phase) it's what you do after the day or two days that really counts?

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