Chaos of Goodbye

Sometimes when I just can’t seem to find the time to write, I will pull out something I’ve jotted down before and see if I can turn it into something. I found some lines from early June that I’d written in my journal and this is what I came up with:

The expected chaos of good-bye

sometimes eclipses the truth.

My body is filled with you, for days,

while my days are spent unpacking

the heartache loving you has caused me.

Like my mother and her mother before

and every other woman before them

I carry a song of longing in my heart,

one that you labeled as strong

showing that you didn’t care all along.

I was just a careless note, something

to fill the empty spaces, improvisation

making it up as you go along, knowing

the song wouldn’t last very long.

I’m just one of those strong black women

who carries the bones of soulless love

like a dog looking for a place to bury the hurt.

Grandma told me that love is a choice

and the transparent truth is that

you don’t choose me, choosing instead

to devour my love like shabby leftovers

before pulling away from the table.

Yet, I choose to sit here day after day

mending my own broken heart, just

to allow you to break it again.

You keep breaking my heart,

cracking it like the pecans granny used to

eat after a long day’s work. Mindless clatter

of shells spilling to the floor

covering the noise of my tears, falling.

Peace & Love,

Rosalind