Some people are calling for the end of cargo shorts. Admittedly,...

Some people are calling for the end of cargo shorts. Admittedly, it started as a joke, which is great. I like jokes. Really. But, tons of people—some of them dads—are joining the chorus and they’re not laughing. So, here’s the thing:

Fuck those people.

This dad I saw at the beach epitomizes the first reason people should zip their trap (and their fly, I guess) about cargo shorts. His little girl asked him to hold her doll and he just slipped them into a pocket, freeing him to continue playing with her with both of his hands. If she wants to play Ring Around The Rosie, he can do it with both hands. If she slips, he can catch her with both hands. If she does a super rad swing dismount, he can clap with both hands. And for the record, I asked this guy if I could take his pic, I wasn’t creeping.

I’m not even making the cargo-shorts-are-the-dad-purse argument. I’m just saying they were originally made for hiking through the jungle and going on safaris and shit and nothing comes closer to that experience than parenting.

I have a couple of pairs of cargo shorts and you know what? I use the pockets to hold Hot Wheels cars, Lego minifigs, clown noses, rocks—whatever the fuck my kids ask me to hold. And yeah, some of those Hot Wheels cars are mine, okay? They’re awesome!

Here’s the second reason I’m defending cargo shorts. Anyone who says you should stop wearing a particular type of clothing is a steaming sack of shit. Who gives a fuck what you think about my attire, blogger? Because it ain’t me. I’m too busy playing with my Hot Wheels cars. So, back the fuck off your Internet pedestal and check yourself.

Unless you’re talking about jean shorts. Those have to go.