Hookers Are Racist And I Can Prove It
If I told you that I lived in the vortex of the nation’s swirling conversation on racism, you might guess that I reside somewhere in Alabama, Mississippi or South Carolina, but you would be wrong; I live in Saint Louis, Missouri. I’m not here to give you a long history lesson, but in order for us to move forward you need to understand my city. The basic history of Saint Louis’ African American community…
Blah, blah, blah…
I originally wrote some pretty smart stuff there, using lots of twenty-five cent words, but even I wanted to impale my retinas from boredom after reading it. Here’s the shortest possible version of what I just deleted: Civil War ends, integration slowly begins, World War II ends, suburbs are created, interstates are built, middle class whites leave the cities, poor stay, elderly stay, blacks stay, tax base gets smaller, old people die (or move to Florida), tax base gets worse, urban plight ensues and diversity disappears. This brings us to the mostly segregated America we live in today.
Note: I wasn’t alive or responsible for anything I just mentioned. I will not take responsibility for these things; just as I will not take responsibility for any of the other atrocities we can’t seem to help inflicting upon one another; with one small exception. I have personally purchased drugs in my life, and if you have ever bought drugs you own at least a tiny bit of responsibility for the millions of lives the drug war has destroyed. If you have never bought drugs, bully for you, but don’t get too sanctimonious, if you have ever owned a diamond you shoulder the exact same amount of responsibility. Our recent history seems to be filled with piles of dead bodies black or otherwise, thanks to drugs and diamonds.
Now, here in Saint Louis, our cultural differences have finally come to a front, and this city has dominated the headlines for the last year. A single catalyst quickly ignited long-stacked kindling, and the conversation became serious overnight. The black community saw one of its young members killed and decided that was all they needed to know. Whites watched as blacks looted and rioted, and decided that was all they needed to know. Modern, polarized media fed that confidence in opinion; for whatever side you found yourself. Current news outlets have helped create an unwillingness to accept new information about, or empathize with, an opposing point of view. Nothing to worry about; compromise is only the cornerstone of democracy. I am sure it won’t be a big deal if it disappears.
What I am trying to say, is that if you only watch Fox News or MSNBC, you are just as ignorant as a person that never watches Fox News or MSNBC. While we are on the subject, don’t watch CNN at all please. You people are hard enough to communicate with already.
The thing all of these talking heads like the most is catching somebody famous being racist. Those people throw around racist allegations like borscht in a food fight. I really hate when I am called a racist by someone who doesn’t like what I’ve said or done. I have only been called a racist by African Americans, so my next request is directed at them. Stop doing that please. I wasn’t alive for slavery, white flight or the civil rights movement. I have never been a police officer, lived in the south, or forced my maid to use a separate bathroom during a thunderstorm. I will also admit to saying the “N” word many times, but the overwhelming majority of those occasions were when I was signing a song written by an African American… badly. White people can’t rap, Eminem is a fluke. That’s not racist, is it?
All of that being said, I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t get irritated when I see a kid with his pants hanging way down, or struggle to understand an urban-English conversation. Thankfully, before I can give in to the temptation to pants the kid, or smack those language murderers in the face with a dictionary; I remind myself that white and non-white cultures have evolved more separately than ever over the last fifty years, and non-whites’ cultural evolution did not come with the education and social safety that most of the people I know took for granted. So I guess the answer is that I am a little bit prejudiced, but so are you; whatever your race may be.
You are probably asking yourself right now, “Why would I listen to this white guy about racism,” or more likely, “When is this white guy gonna start talking about the hookers?”
To your first question, the answer is simple. Two years ago I shuttered my business as a self-employed freight broker to embark on my life-long dream of being a professional writer. Regardless of my passion toward this goal, you can’t deposit dreams, they don’t pay the rent, and ex-wives won’t accept them for child-support; so I got a job working nights as a fine-dining waiter. As a result, I have spent the last two years in a work setting that consists of about twenty-five employees, and of these, only eight are white. I am immersed in an overwhelmingly multi-cultured environment for the first time in my life.
Restaurant workers are a strange bunch. Working within the confines of an independent restaurant is a bit like consuming an elixir each evening for the sole purpose of reducing your maturity. As a result, restaurant workers talk to one another with the same level of respect, sensitivity and tact as the average teenage boy when there are no parents around. As you may have guessed, there is an openness of racial discussion in these jobs that corporate America would never tolerate in an office setting. My newest life-lesson to be learned was: Only by working side by side with African Americans for years, while getting to know their personal stories of triumph and struggle, will you ever begin to understand the culture. I also want to be invited to a black cook-out someday. I think I could learn a lot and the food always smells delicious when I walk by one.
Now to answer your second question; you know, the one regarding the hookers. With the exception of a few oases in Nevada, prostitution remains illegal in the United States. I am not here to discuss the legality of the world’s oldest profession in detail, but it does concern me that there are so many edicts in our dusty law-books that regulate women’s use of their own vaginas. It is also pretty obvious that a woman’s body, or more specifically a man’s blind desire to touch that body, has been one of the best field-levelers in the battle of the sexes throughout human history. Cleopatra, Anna Nicole Smith and Holly Madison had to work with what they had. No judgement here, I can only imagine how fun it must be for you ladies to manipulate the strings on our libidos.
As to the morality of prostitution, let’s turn to the dead-north on the moral compass of Americans; Jesus Christ. If I open to the Apostle Mathew’s book in my trusty bible, I eventually get to section twenty-one, verse thirty-one. For those who have never read it, this is not some obscure section of the bible. The book of Matthew is considered to be the most important by Christians, due to the many parables describing very clearly how Jesus felt human beings should treat one another. Verse thirty-one deals directly with Jesus’ view of hypocrisy (Jesus really dislikes hypocrites) and states that hookers and tax collectors, currently occupied within those trades, will get to heaven long before even the most revered priests. This is one of my favorite stories about Jesus, I picture him in the temple, robes flowing, kicking ass and knocking over tables.
Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.” – Matthew 21:31
Seems pretty clear…
Now that we have discussed Jesus, racism and hookers, let’s get to the matter at hand, shall we… What makes me think that most hookers are racist, and how can I prove it? Many of you fine people are likely wondering where one even goes about finding a prostitute in the first place. Some women believe that most strippers moonlight as hookers. With exceptions of course, I have personally found this generally untrue. I am by no means an aficionado, but by living in Saint Louis I have been exposed to more strip-clubs than the average American. We have so many strip-clubs in greater Saint Louis that they fit into perfect little niches, based entirely on their vulgarity. I’ve spent many a night in places I would describe as “just naughty”, but I also know that there are bars in this town so lacking in empathy that they conjure up images of a human landfill, if you are drunk enough. Don’t go to those places
Access to hookers operates the same way as just about every other service in this country; money equals opportunity. If you are wealthy, you can fly to any number of Latin American countries to be waited on hand and foot by however many courtesans you can afford. You can even pick them from a website like a fantasy football team; I’ve seen it.
Should you be less prosperous or more locally inclined, there are several services and clubs you can join as well. There are no ads for these places, but they exist, I assure you. I know a guy that belongs to a service/club that lets him know when traveling porn-stars are in town, as well as their private booking rates. Seems pretty stupid to me, the porn-star sex curve is the last place I want to be graded.
My professional interactions with prostitution occurred primarily in a small shack in Centerville, Illinois where I would take one of my customers when he was in town. There were actually two shacks on that lot, but my customer preferred the one with Asian girls. Does that make him racist or prejudiced? The cost was just shy of $300, including tip, and although I’ll never go back, the place was clean, the girls were nice and they are actually pretty skilled at the back-rub portion of the hour.
For all of the other men in search of company, men of less means, there is Backpage, also known as Craigslist’s lesser-paid, Mexican equivalent (Like how I inserted a racist joke there? The Mexican guys with whom I work would find that joke hilarious, if I could figure out how to translate it). In 2010, when Craigslist closed the adult section of its website, buyers and sellers of sex stampeded to Backpage, making it the nation’s second-most popular classified site, overnight. Alexa, the company that totals the traffic to all internet sites, ranks Craigslist as 57th, and Backpage as 569th. While we are on the subject of sex and the internet, the world’s leading porn site, Pornhub, ranks at 63rd, one slot below Alibaba (China’s version of Amazon, Ebay and Yahoo, wrapped in one company), but well above both CNN and the BBC.
Backpage operates just like Craigslist does. You open to Backpage’s adult services, and then click on the escorts tab to get to the day’s list of available prostitutes and sneaky vice cops. The individual ads all use crazy tittles and lots of emoji to both get your attention, and fool the anti-prostitution software at Backpage. After a moments review, you will likely believe as I do, that the anti-prostitution software at Backpage might not work very well.
As you delve into the ads themselves, a trend begins to reveal itself. Nearly every other posting clearly states: No Black Men or No Thugs. You will also come across a few politically-correct, racist prostitutes with ads that say: No AA, or No African Americans. How nice of them. Some of the escorts merely type these words into the ad, while others have posted fancy signs, along with pictures of themselves, describing the racist policy in bold letters. Oh, the power of the meme. However it is said, it is quite clear that horny, black men should not even attempt calling these women.
What is most surprising is that just as many black women as white women are denying their services to African Americans. I left several messages for these advertisers, letting them know that I was a blogger interested in interviewing them regarding the apparent rampant racism in prostitution. I am yet to receive any calls back, but one of my co-workers called as well, posing as a potential customer. He asked the girl, herself an African American, why he could not have access to her no-no parts. “I love my brothers,” she told him, “but Y’all too aggressive.” I was shocked by the statement, likely because of my age. My personal stereotype regarding the sexual proclivities of black men is more akin to Billy D. Williams or Barry White; so smooth, soul-filled and charming that a girl couldn’t help herself. I guess you know you are old when even your racism is out of touch.
Wanting more information, I turned back to the internet for answers. After all, what is the internet for, if not logic and reason? The many theories I found are hilarious, but entirely too racist and disgusting to relay here; even for me. My favorite was a blog I discovered written by a black guy who talked openly about his penchant for paid sex. After voicing his disgust over the “No Blacks”policy, he postulates two possible reasons why the hookers are racist. First, he goes with the obvious endowment concern (picture the late, great Madeline Kahn in Blazing saddles screaming, “It’s Twoo… It’s Twoo,” over and over). His second argument is that the escorts, or likely their significant others, are afraid to service him because the sex is so good that they may fall in love. There is no picture on the blog, so unless he looks like the Old Spice guy, sings like Marvin and screws like Christian Grey, I find this a highly unlikely excuse.
In the end I found no real answers. I never promised answers; I only said I would prove that many hookers, black and white, are racist. I have done that. If this city wants to fix its problems with race, maybe it should start by taking some baby steps in that direction. I say we start with the hookers and here is my request:
Ladies… I don’t have a problem with you being a prostitute, or even preferring one type of customer over another. Personal prejudices are a personal choice and you can be a little prejudice if you like. However; please don’t be a racist, and for god’s sake don’t be a hypocrite…
Because Jesus really, really hates that.
Post Script: My personal bible is a relatively expensive NIV study bible printed in 2006. In case you have never seen one, a study bible is half filled with footnotes to help you understand the passages. Ironically, the notes in my study bible skip interpreting Jesus’ thoughts on prostitution in the book of Matthew all together. The irony is that a corporation published a copy of the bible for sale less than ten years ago, but ignored Jesus’ thoughts on a subject, in a section about honesty, because those who would buy this book don’t agree with Jesus. WOW! I have to assume the good people at the publishing house are believers, so it takes some real balls for them to disagree with Jesus Christ. I would never do that.
