A Winifred of Time
Evinrude was wafting through space as a disembodied consciousness. He wasn’t entirely sure how this had happened. He had been running for his life down a tunnel as a gurgling tentacled Thing charged at him, when quite suddenly he had tripped. Evinrude had expected to be eaten, or possibly driven mad. What actually happened was that the tunnel walls melted away, the Thing vanished, and Evinrude suddenly found himself floating in a dark and silent void.
He waited, for a while, and nothing changed. Evinrude wondered uneasily if this was the afterlife. Perhaps he had been sent there for his sins. The question was, what were his sins? He’d been the crown prince, not the actual king, so he’d never had a chance to influence his country’s policies. The only thing that came to mind was that he’d sent letters bordering on the romantic to Lady Eulalie, while he had been betrothed to Lady Amaryllis. All right, Evinrude admitted, that was pretty bad. True, on the few occasions when he had met with his intended, their conversation had never left the topic of the weather. But perhaps that was his fault. Perhaps he should have made more of an effort to understand her. His conversations had just been so much easier with Lady Eulalie. Still, he had responsibilities. If he could only get back to Maventry, he vowed, he would fix things.
At that moment, a light shone in the void. The figure resolved itself into a woman, who appeared somewhat stressed. “Oh, okay, you’re here. Great. So, who are you, and what do you want?”
“What?” said Evinrude.
“Sorry,” she said, pushing back her hair and consulting a flashcard. “I’m new at this. I used to be Death, you see, but that job got passed on. I’m working Time now. My name’s Winifred.”
“You’re….Time.”
“Yep.”
“I thought Time was an old man with a beard.”
“Well, he was, but he retired, lives in New Florida now. I was between jobs…I hope I’m doing it right?” Winifred consulted her flashcard again. “I’m supposed to ask you the question, and then you answer, and then we review your life history, and then you answer again, and then I send you back. You’re supposed to get a moral out of this!” she added, helpfully.
“Well,” he began, “I’m Evinrude, and what I want is to get back to where I came from.”
“Er, that’s not quite how it works…” Winifred attempted to explain again, thinking that perhaps she had not been clear. “See, you’re supposed to reflect more deeply, consider your life choices-” She brightened. “Why don’t we do that, then? You need to replay your life history! Roll film!”
A blur of images shot past. Evinrude got a vague glimpse of fire. Then all was dark again. “The projector’s messed up!” Winifred exclaimed in dismay.
“I’m so sorry,” Evinrude said. “Can I go now?”
“But… but you’ve got to learn something. It’s not right if you don’t learn something, and I meant for you to, but then the projector broke, and…”
Evinrude sighed. “Fine. Is there a way you can repair the, ah, projector?”
“Maybe if I asked Milton? He’s War, so he knows a bit about tech…”
“Maybe you should.”
“Great!” Winifred said. “Back in a flash!” She disappeared, leaving Evinrude to waft in the void again. After some time, the images appeared again, much slower this time. Evinrude saw his life play out before him. Only Winifred, in an effort to be as helpful as possible, hadn’t just included the parts that he knew. She had included everything.
Evinrude saw Philip of House Shirley make the arrangement to have Eulalie flamed by a dragon. He saw Philip murder Amaryllis and use her death as pretext for a war. He saw himself asking Rowena for help, and Rowena sending him to his death to cover the truth about her father. He saw Philip becoming king of his country, and Rowena becoming Prime Minister. He saw Maxwell Valerian abandoning him to certain death in the cave. Then, when he had seen everything, Evinrude knew exactly what he wanted.
When the replay was done, Winifred reappeared. “Okay!” she said, producing her flashcards again. “It’s time to talk about what we learned today! So, who are you, and-”
“I am Evinrude, rightful king of Maventry. And I want it back.”
