Choosing the Path of Self-Reliance
Being self-reliance puts us at a major advantage. It means that no matter what happens, in your job, the economy, or relationships, that as soon as you choose the path to become self-reliant, you are committing yourself to absolute trust…in yourself.
The path of self-reliance is the highest form of independence you can choose to live by.
Instead of making yourself dependent on other people for a paycheck, for love or permission to do something, you can make a conscious choice in any moment to choose yourself, as author James Altucher writes about in the book of the same name Choose Yourself. By choosing yourself and making a firm decision to stop acting like somebody you’re not, when you strip away all evidence of being dependent emotionally and financially on other people and institutions, you take great responsibility for everything that happens in your life.
This is a huge step. Most people are afraid of it. They prefer to stay in the shadows where it’s safe. I don’t blame them. Becoming totally self-reliant and accepting responsibility for your own destiny isn’t something people do everyday. We might hear about it and even read a book or two about it, but the actual commitment takes a greater leap of faith. By saying NO to what you have always accepted and tolerated, you now say YES to the select choices that have the power to change everything.
It begins with a clear-cut decision: you cannot rely, trust or invest in something that has the same power to take away your freedom or controls your destiny. When you choose yourself, you are taking the highest road possible. You are making a personal declaration that your life is your own. You own it and, as the “captain of your own vessel” it is up to you which way to point the stern of your ship.
Being self-reliant doesn’t mean not trusting other people, and it isn’t about cutting bonds or isolating yourself. Just the opposite: You gain greater trust in yourself instead of putting all your faith in others. Trust yourself, have faith in who you are, and don’t worry about what all the other people think. Dependent people worry about what others think of them; this worry drives them to seek permission to be who they are. Independence, or interdependence, is a choice only independent people can make.
But, it is a choice that most people default into believing they don’t have. You can hear it all the time from your friends, family or people at work. They say things like, “I have to go to work. I have no choice.” Or “I have to do this. If I don’t, there will be consequences. I have no choice.” By admitting that you have no choice in most situations, you are right about this. By admitting you have no choice takes away the right to choose.
Children are dependent from a young age. They need adults to decide lot of things for them until they learn that they can eventually choose. But even kids as young as two or three can make decisions. I always ask my kids, “Do you want the red cup or the blue one? Do you want to wear your jeans or shorts today?” It creates self-reliance for them because they start to trust their own decisions. But then as we get older something changes. We enter into institutions, relationships and corporations that, in many cases, don’t give us choices. Nobody asks you, “So, how long would you like to work today? Six or eight hours?” We are told to be there at a certain tome of day and to work a certain amount of hours. Without any question. And if you can’t go by this procedure, they find someone [a person who is more dependent than you] to fill the position.
Self-reliance is a conscious choice [yes, I’ve said this several times already]. You have to choose who you are again and again. If not, you’ll fall back into the old pattern that put you there. It is like a muscle that needs constant exercise to grow. You have to take absolute responsibility for your life. When you make a choice and it turns out wrong, nobody else is to fault. When you say, “It’s up to you” and somebody makes your choices for you that ends up putting you in financial ruin or jammed up somehow, it is your responsibility. When you give the power of choice to somebody else, you give up your personal power.
Taking full responsibility is a massive step. It is a choice you have to make over and over again. The truth is, banks don’t want people to be self-reliant. They want to put you in debt and keep you there. You become a hapless victim, dependent on the shackles that you now own. Were you empowered when you took out that 10,000 loan to pay for that trip with no money down for the first year? Most companies don’t want employees to be self-reliant; because then they quit and move on to do better things instead of taking up a cubicle space. In many relationships, self-reliance is cast aside if one or both partners suffer from some form of co-dependence.
You can see the struggle for independent self-reliance everywhere. The next time you take to the streets really look at the people passing you by. Are their eyes glazed over? Do they appear lost? Desperate? In need of someone to give them a sense of direction or purpose? I see this everyday: Lost souls on a voyage that they feel helpless to manage or control.
You are not helpless. You just have to choose to be self-reliant in every moment. Don’t try to recreate the past or invent the future. Neither exists. Choose what you want to do and who you want to be. By doing this you break away from the dependency trap.
Action Steps [6 Tips to Build Up Your Self-Reliance]
Choose your interdependence now. Always think for yourself. Don’t let others think for you. If you do, this will become a bad habit. When others are allowed to figure out what is best for you, they will be in a position to decide anything. You give up your personal independence this way.
Stay out of debt at all costs. Pay off whatever debt you have [car loans, credit cards, or line of credit]. Pay it off and never accumulate it again.
Learn at least 2 skills that you can earn an income at by hiring yourself out. Take courses on Udemi. Write an eBook. Learn about financial investing. Teach yourself new skills you can market and earn income at. There is nothing more self-reliant than earning a paycheck from your own efforts alone. Nobody is telling you “This is how much you are worth.” You can set your own price.
Always be learning; never stop picking up new skills.
Don’t settle. Self-reliant people are prepared. Are you ready for when your company downsizes and they no longer need you? Are you ready when the relationship you were in for the past five years ends abruptly? Are you ready for whatever life throws at you, knowing that no matter what, you have faith in yourself that you’ll be okay?
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