Blah.

The band broke up. After over 3 years with this band, with the goal of it becoming a bigger thing in the future, I’m pretty disappointed.

I know that bands break up all the time and over 90% of bands “don’t make it,” but we were really serious and were headed in a good direction and everything. We typed our setlists, for goodness sake! Other bands even commented on how extra-pro that made us look.

I can’t sleep at night, I can barely write anything, I have been burying myself in books and busy work, I haven’t picked up an instrument in over a week, and I have a boyfriend who is heartbroken about my wanting to swear off the music business from here on out.

My plan was pretty much to sell my gear and never again play live, book shows, go to shows, etc. But then I realized that, since I already have a good amp and can play a ton of covers, I may as well TRY to find something to do, music-wise. I really don’t know how successful that will be, however.

You see, I’m pretty picky about what projects I join. There has to be something in it for me besides just “fun”, whether it’s money or some important cause or something. It can’t be just a hobby, because hobbies do nothing but take time away from the things I actually do for money. And there’s no way I’m getting a day job just so that I can be in a band. I’m 27 now, and I know I’m not going to “make it” without She’s Not Dead, no matter what kind of band I join.

My mom just called me and actually made me feel a little bit better. She told me that what is going on in other people’s heads and how they are processing things can’t be determined. So you can’t truly know how different events will change people. Not to mention the fact that people in their teens and 20s change a lot in their goals and what they want out of life, and it could be the fact that I’m the oldest one in the band that made my goals and what I wanted out of the band never change along with everyone else’s.