Ramblings On The Craft : Decision Making

DISCLAIMER : I consider myself to be a life-long writer but I am still an aspiring author. What’s the difference? Essentially, to me anyway, it means that while I have devoted a great deal of time to my words and my art, the amount of money I have made as a professional writer to date could maybe be used to purchase a nice steak dinner for two. So while I have a deep and devoted passion for writing, I do not claim in any way to be an expert or authority figure. What you will find in these essays represent my personal thoughts and feelings about various issues related to writing. I think that in any endeavor, it is essential to have the mindset that there is always something to learn, something you don’t know. As soon as you start to think that you are an authority on anything (besides how to eat a hot dog or perhaps, spelling your name) there might be a problem. With that in mind, I am fully cognizant and comfortable with the fact that on any and all of these issues, I could be completely wrong.

Put another way, I recognize and admit that I could be full of shit.

Throughout my time as a writer, I have learned the hard way that fear is like the constant possibility of turbulent weather that could come floating over our heads, at any time. Early on, as a writer, one of the biggest problems I found myself dealing with was the ability to finish things, which I think is important to be able to do as a writer. Anyone can start a story, but it takes a special amount of dedication and stubbornness to be able to mold it into a finished product. To that end, I believe that an important part of being a writer is being aware of the roadblocks you drop in front of yourself in your quest to reach that point of completion for your story.

One important lesson I learned along the way was when I started to examine my motivations for being a writer in the first place. I had a moment of clarity when I realized that part of my problem was that I was writing because I needed to hear someone tell me that I was a good writer. The problem is that, as good as it makes you feel, the absolute fear of having someone tell you that you aren’t a very good writer can be paralyzing, almost a call to in-action out of fear of hearing something you don’t want to hear. What I wanted was for people to tell me that I was a good writer but I was terrified to put myself into a position where someone could tell me that I was terrible.

So what does all of this have to do with decision making, you ask?

I think that one large factor in my inability to grow as a writer early on was that I lacked the strength to come out of a particular issue, saying, ‘this is my decision.’ Instead, more often than not, I would be looking around the proverbial room, sheepishly, quietly asking, “is it okay if I do this?” It got to a point with me that I was constantly second guessing myself, perpetually stressed and convinced that the next piece I finished would mark my status as an impostor.

Social media has become a powerful ability to connect with large numbers of writers with very little effort on your part, and there are groups with fantastic people looking to do nothing but help. I think that one unfortunate result of this is that writers can become too attentive to various decisions to be made in their story, and can be guilty of over-engineering the product to some extent. I feel like I should make sure I am clear at this point that I am not talking about having people read your story and give you feedback, once it is finished. This stage of the process is essential, as you need to have eyes on your story that are not your own, but you have to write the story before you get to that point. What I am talking about is the ability to make decisions for yourself while you are still writing the thing in the first place. Having access to other writers around the clock from around the world at any given hour of the day can lead you to logging on and asking questions like, “What street names should I use for my town so that it seems more creepy?” or “Should my main character have a normal last name or hyphonated?” or “Should the two characters in the park be playing chess, or gin rummy?”

I poke fun in jest and I’m exaggerating to make my point but I do believe that the more you rely on other people’s input as essential links in the chain that leads you to a decision, it makes you that much less able to do it on your own. Writing is about expressing yourself and while there is nothing wrong with obtaining advice from others, ultimately you need to make it about yourself and what you want to see on the page. More importantly, you have to realize that its okay to give yourself permission to want the story the way you want it. You may have people who become very invested in convincing you to do something differently, and while it may be difficult to move on without heeding their advice, it’s important to remember that advice is all it is and that the world of the book or story is your creation, and in the end, you have to be the one responsible for that. It’s your name on the cover, after all. You can’t write it by committee.

And please understand that I am writing this while fully admitting that if the Internet as it exists today had been available earlier on in my development as a writer, I would likely be logged in at all times of the day, asking these same kinds of questions. I guess this is what makes me feel qualified somewhat to address the issue, because I recognize behavior and mindsets that are deep-seated in myself as well. Sometimes I have caught myself thinking that if I get as much input as I can, maybe it will be easier for me to put my finished product into the world for others to see. The reality is that there is nothing that will make that final step any easier.

For me, the key became understanding that while it is important to take as much time as you need to mold your final product, there is never going to be a time when you are going to feel like your story is really ready to be unleashed onto the world. There will always be something that can be fleshed out a little better, something that you could put a little more time in making authentic. You can’t create a story, trying to anticipate what other people’s objections might be. At some point, you just need to accept that the story, regardless of the reaction it might garner in others, is exactly the way you wanted. Don’t be afraid of people you think might pop out of the woodwork, telling you that you approached something incorrectly. It isn’t easy, it certainly isn’t for me, but I think that the more often you can get yourself into that mindset, the easier it gets in the long run.

One question that I see come up frequently is when newer writers ask how to get the confidence to share their work with other people. I think that this fear often lies at the heart of people’s difficulty in making decisions. It’s easy to say that you are in the process of writing something, but it’s something else entirely to stake your reputation on a finished product. The best I can say is that I don’t think you can attach the success or failure of your art on whether or not you get positive feedback. There will always be people out there who don’t like your writing and that number will only grow as you expand the amount of people you show it to. Think of all your favorite authors and remind yourself that every single one of them gets one-star reviews.

Remember that negative feedback exists as a separate entity that lies on the outside of the walls of your artistic endeavor. You have the right to agree or disagree with everything that is said to you regarding your work. Nobody has the right to strong-arm you into doing anything one particular way. Of course, all of this is running the risk that you will produce a story that is what you want as the creator, and everyone will hate it. However, and this is just me personally but, I would rather put forward a story that is completely my own and fail, than publish something that is well received, but for which I feel no creative responsibility. At some point, you start to feel like you’re just making a frozen pizza, assembling the ingredients that someone else gave you and preparing it for them.

You’ve already decided that you want to be a writer. The next step is to convince yourself that your words are the ones that you want to see.