Book Review: You Can't Lie To Me
by Kari Carlisle
Have you ever gotten that strange feeling around someone – that feeling that something’s a little, well, off? I have. It’s like my gut is trying to tell me something, and unfortunately, I don’t always listen. That’s when I get burned.
From your friend telling you a little white lie to protect your feelings to the psychopath who is charming your pants off, literally, you can learn how to tell when someone is being deceitful, according to Janine Driver, author of You Can’t Lie To Me .
I borrowed this book from a co-worker and was glad I did. I took the quiz toward the beginning of the book and learned where I stand on the scale from sucker to human lie detector. Let’s just say I’ve got some work to do.
You Can’t Lie To Me spends the first quarter of the book explaining what you’re going to learn and why it’s important, which was a little frustrating because I really wanted to get into the meat of it. But once I did, I was better prepared having read through all the foundation stuff. It’s just like when you’re trying to read a person – you need to get a baseline reading before you can really read a person’s level of honesty. Hey, I learned something!
The book is full, I mean FULL, of great examples from Driver’s personal experience as well as experiences from her friends and colleagues and real life examples of scumbags you’ll recognize from the news. She also includes several testimonials throughout the book from people who have gone through her training. They’re not meant to be the kind of testimonials to drive sales of her products, but rather they are examples of people just like you and me whose lives have been changed for the better having learned these skills.
Having read the book myself, now, I am a total expert in telling if people are lying to me. Yeah, I’m lying. Driver even states, you will NOT be an expert having read this book. In fact you might even get worse with false confidence or worse, paranoia. Like any skill, you need to practice detecting deceit in people. Since I’ve returned my co-worker’s copy of the book, I have ordered a copy for myself that I will read again and keep for reference. Driver also has online examples on her website, www.youcantlietome.com, and some on YouTube as well so her readers can practice. She also has multi-day trainings and other products if you really want/need to get serious about learning this skill.
As I was reading the book, I reflected on a time several years ago when I was actually investigated by law enforcement. I had been falsely accused of a crime, and I didn’t even realize when they interviewed me that it was me they were investigating. Of course being innocent I had no reason not to be completely truthful in my answers to them, so the interview naturally went well. Now I can see the whole interview like I’m seeing it through another person’s eyes, “watching” the law enforcement officers questioning the “suspect” and paying attention to how the questions are asked and how the suspect responds. Fascinating.
Time to try this out for myself... As a manager I do a fair bit of hiring, and though I was still only halfway through the book, I decided to try to get a baseline (things like body language and word choice) on a series of interviewees and see if I could at least read any changes in their baseline behavior. Out of six interviews, there was one who demonstrated a clear-as-day change in her baseline behavior! She started the interview speaking with confidence about her abilities. As soon as I explained the position in more detail, she clearly lost confidence. Though I don’t have reason to believe she lied to me during the interview, she physically shrunk into herself and her answers became more vague and less confident. After the interview was over, I turned to my colleague who conducted the interviews with me and explained to him what I had witnessed. He hadn’t noticed!
While my first little “success” with reading people feels pretty good, I do realize that this is a complicated skill that takes time and practice. But just knowing that it’s possible and practicing at being more aware, I know I can develop this skill that will be useful in my personal and professional life.
According to Driver, everyone is a liar. Though most of us tell the occasional lie to protect someone’s feelings or to get what we want, there are lies that can be damaging to relationships. I recommend this book to anyone who:Has ever wondered if their mechanic, realtor, or car salesman is telling them the truthHas been burned by a trusted friend, family-member, or spouseIs employed and works with peopleKnows peopleTalks to peopleOkay, everyone
Sign up to receive these blog posts in your inbox.
www.readmota.com
Have you ever gotten that strange feeling around someone – that feeling that something’s a little, well, off? I have. It’s like my gut is trying to tell me something, and unfortunately, I don’t always listen. That’s when I get burned.
From your friend telling you a little white lie to protect your feelings to the psychopath who is charming your pants off, literally, you can learn how to tell when someone is being deceitful, according to Janine Driver, author of You Can’t Lie To Me .
I borrowed this book from a co-worker and was glad I did. I took the quiz toward the beginning of the book and learned where I stand on the scale from sucker to human lie detector. Let’s just say I’ve got some work to do.
You Can’t Lie To Me spends the first quarter of the book explaining what you’re going to learn and why it’s important, which was a little frustrating because I really wanted to get into the meat of it. But once I did, I was better prepared having read through all the foundation stuff. It’s just like when you’re trying to read a person – you need to get a baseline reading before you can really read a person’s level of honesty. Hey, I learned something!
The book is full, I mean FULL, of great examples from Driver’s personal experience as well as experiences from her friends and colleagues and real life examples of scumbags you’ll recognize from the news. She also includes several testimonials throughout the book from people who have gone through her training. They’re not meant to be the kind of testimonials to drive sales of her products, but rather they are examples of people just like you and me whose lives have been changed for the better having learned these skills.
Having read the book myself, now, I am a total expert in telling if people are lying to me. Yeah, I’m lying. Driver even states, you will NOT be an expert having read this book. In fact you might even get worse with false confidence or worse, paranoia. Like any skill, you need to practice detecting deceit in people. Since I’ve returned my co-worker’s copy of the book, I have ordered a copy for myself that I will read again and keep for reference. Driver also has online examples on her website, www.youcantlietome.com, and some on YouTube as well so her readers can practice. She also has multi-day trainings and other products if you really want/need to get serious about learning this skill.
As I was reading the book, I reflected on a time several years ago when I was actually investigated by law enforcement. I had been falsely accused of a crime, and I didn’t even realize when they interviewed me that it was me they were investigating. Of course being innocent I had no reason not to be completely truthful in my answers to them, so the interview naturally went well. Now I can see the whole interview like I’m seeing it through another person’s eyes, “watching” the law enforcement officers questioning the “suspect” and paying attention to how the questions are asked and how the suspect responds. Fascinating.
Time to try this out for myself... As a manager I do a fair bit of hiring, and though I was still only halfway through the book, I decided to try to get a baseline (things like body language and word choice) on a series of interviewees and see if I could at least read any changes in their baseline behavior. Out of six interviews, there was one who demonstrated a clear-as-day change in her baseline behavior! She started the interview speaking with confidence about her abilities. As soon as I explained the position in more detail, she clearly lost confidence. Though I don’t have reason to believe she lied to me during the interview, she physically shrunk into herself and her answers became more vague and less confident. After the interview was over, I turned to my colleague who conducted the interviews with me and explained to him what I had witnessed. He hadn’t noticed!
While my first little “success” with reading people feels pretty good, I do realize that this is a complicated skill that takes time and practice. But just knowing that it’s possible and practicing at being more aware, I know I can develop this skill that will be useful in my personal and professional life.
According to Driver, everyone is a liar. Though most of us tell the occasional lie to protect someone’s feelings or to get what we want, there are lies that can be damaging to relationships. I recommend this book to anyone who:Has ever wondered if their mechanic, realtor, or car salesman is telling them the truthHas been burned by a trusted friend, family-member, or spouseIs employed and works with peopleKnows peopleTalks to peopleOkay, everyone
Sign up to receive these blog posts in your inbox.
www.readmota.com
No comments have been added yet.
