My Dirty Little Secret
I have a confession to make.
It happened last fall… I let a stranger into my life.
At first it was my own little secret. I kept it to myself, fantasizing about all the delicious possibilities, but it was too tantalizing to keep to myself. In excited whispers I admitted it to my closest friends… but not my husband. I wasn't ready for that.
Then I invited the stranger over — a clandestine meeting when no one else was home… and I knew I'd have to come clean.
I waited until our daughter was asleep, then approached my husband. My insides fluttered, but I took a deep breath and dove in.
"Honey…" I heard my voice crack a little as I started. One more deep breath. "Honey… I've hired a professional organizer."
The ridiculous thing is I'm not exaggerating at all. Telling my husband about the organizer was like confessing to an affair. I was terrified. Not that I needed to be; I'm married to a great guy. He was totally on board, and has been throughout the process — though he was highly amused by the X-acto blades getting "organized" at the bottom of a basket… where he'd risk laceration if he tried to reach in and get one.
The irrational fear was all about me. I have this perfectionist thing where I feel like I have to handle everything. I "should" be able to write all kinds of freelance jobs, be a kick-ass wife and mom, train for marathons, give back to the community, blah blah blah everything-in-the-universe, AND turn my very messy house (my bad habits at play, not my husband's) into a pristine, organized wonderland.
Calling Tina (my secret stranger, and the best organizer on the planet) was admitting to myself that I couldn't do it. And while admitting it to myself in this case felt titillating, like I was sneaking alcohol from my parents' basement bar, admitting it to my husband was hard. I was afraid he'd be disappointed that I wasn't superhuman. Again, not because that's his expectation, but because it's mine, and I liked the idea of him seeing me through those oh-wow-she's-perfect glasses.
Of course the truth is he knows me well enough that those glasses came off ages ago. Probably the day we met when he came "back to my place" and encountered a toxic waste zone where a two-week-old birthday cake was doubling as an ashtray… but that's another story.
I'll keep you posted on the Organizational Odyssey (which is still very much in progress and AMAZING), but in the meantime…
What secrets have you held in when you didn't have to? I don't mean things like affairs or cheating on your taxes, but things like this, where it's only your own neuroses that make it seem like something naughty.
Can't wait to hear 'em!
Oh, in the meantime… if you're in L.A. and need an organizer, check out Tina! She's incredible. And she didn't run away screaming when she first saw my in-home office, which is impressive.
