Feedback Request

The author of the book featured in Face-Lift 1270 (See the post directly beneath this one) has submitted a revision and requests your input. 


Dear Evil Editor,


Abandoned by her mother as an infant, [?-year-old] Skye Bryar grows up in the small town of Deep Cove, struggling to hide the differences in herself that even she does not understand. It is not until she meets Holt, a mysterious out-of-towner, [What's mysterious about him?] that she finally discovers who- and what- she really is.


When Holt whisks Skye away to the island of the NATURAE, she learns the humans are not alone on this earth [Earth]. [There are also . . . animals!] There are another type of people- those who can control the pure elements- earth, air, fire or water. They are ruled over by none other than Mother Nature, the Queen of the Earth. Skye is shocked to learn that this woman is her own birth mother- making Skye the Elemental Princess, an individual with immense power over all four elements. 


While Skye anticipates a happy family reunion, what she gets is anything but. Mother Nature has become as sick as the Earth, and has brought Skye to the island with a single dark and sinister purpose. She plans to harness the strength of her daughters’ [daughter's] powers to put an end to the humans’ destruction of the planet- even if it means putting Skyes [Skye's] life- and the life of every human in the world- in danger. Held hostage on the island, Skye struggles to understand what she must do, while Mother Nature remains cold and guarded. And when Skye gets too close to Holt, Mother Nature sends him away, leaving her to find solace in another… but can he, or anyone on the island, really be trusted? An elite group of humans [What's elite about them?] who call themselves the Avarice- those who profit the most from the devastation of nature- have a traitor on the inside, and they will stop at nothing to prevent her from getting in their way. [There's no way the Avarice is going to actually call themselves the Avarice. It would be like the Republican party changing their name to the Racist, Sexist Propagandists. It's just bad PR. The Avarice are going to give themselves a deceptively positive name like People First or Saviors of Humanity or Westboro Baptist Church.]

Will Skye be willing to help Mother Nature, and the Earth, even if it means betraying the humans she has grown up with? Or will the Avarice get to her before she even has a chance to choose sides?


NATURAE is a YA paranormal romance novel. The novel is focused on the issue of how humans are currently impacting the environment, intertwined with extraordinary magic, unwavering friendships, a heart wrenching love triangle, and dark betrayals. This novel has potential for a 2 or 3 part series.

NATURAE is my first novel, inspired by my travels and experiences around the world. Having lived in multiple countries and worked with all kinds of animals, my intimate connection with nature world-wide has only further highlighted the many issues our Earth faces and I hope this novel will inspire the younger generation to make a difference. 


Thank you for your consideration of this query. At your request, I would be happy to send along part of the story, which is complete at 50,000 words.


Notes

While we can all agree that Earth would be a better place if humans had never shown up, unless Mother Nature's plan is to kill off all 7.3 billion humans without harming the plants and animals, ending the destruction of nature should be good thing, for everyone except Avarice. How does putting an end to humans' destruction of the planet put the life of every human in danger?

Is it known by Skye and/or Mother Nature that there's a traitor on the inside? Would simply getting rid of the traitor remove the threat to the planet? If that's Skye's task, maybe the query should focus on what the traitor is doing, who the suspects are, and how Skye plans to stop it. It does sound like a more reasonable task than harnessing her powers in such a way that puts all of humanity in danger.

What about eliminating Avarice? Would that save the planet? Surely Avarice can be eliminated without endangering all humans. How many people are part of Avarice? Most readers will prefer a book in which the villain is one traitor or one group of greedy people rather than all humans.

Why would Mother Nature abandon her child? I could see hiding her among humans to keep her safe from the Avarice, but abandoning her?

Out of curiosity, what exactly can this one teenager who has yet to understand her powers do? Worst case scenario?