Star Trek, it isn't
Starry Track: generic voyage
By Geoff Nelder 266 words
Captain, a ship has uncloaked off the starboard bow.
Open a hailing channel.
No response and they're charging weapons.
Raise shields.
They've fired what seem to be neutron pulse cannons.
Hold on. Ready zuon torpedoes. Target their weapons.
Shields down 10% 20% 30% 40%
Belay firing. Go to warp nine.
Warp out.
Maximum Impulse, evasive manoeuvre.
Impulse out.
Target their engines.
Their cloaking device keeps coming on – can't target.
Captain, the doctor has fallen in love with the Chief Engineer.
Damage report.
Hull breached on Decks 12 to 34.
Evacuate Decks 12 to 34.
Too late.
Shields down 60% 70% 80%
Transfer all power from everything, including life support, to the shields.
Shields down 90%, and we can't… gasp… breathe.
Use what power is necessary for the replicator to make oxygen, and more shields.
We need to be inventive. Vulcan, come up with a new weapon.
I've noticed the frequency of their cloak is correlated linearly with their neutron pulse amplitudes, which by coincidence matches our online transfigorator transponders.
You mean we can deflect their cannon and turn them back on themselves.
That's what I said.
Make it so.
*
Captain, why did they attack us?
Our Humanity, including non-humans, meant we were a threat.
Captain, I've found a back-ion trace to their home world. It's in Alpha Quadrant sector 19659b.
Make a note of it for the Federation in Supplemental.
Aren't we boldly going there to show them we mean no harm?
It would go against the Prime Directive. They are bound to be changed by discovering our greatness, where it has not gone before.
(c) Geoff Nelder. Feel free to copy as long as my name stays attached.
