Tranquilosophy: Practice Acceptance
Week 30:Practice Acceptance
When the vet tech returned to let us know that they weren’t going to need a spinal tap, I knew. They found something during the MRI that explained the sneezing and seizure, and it wasn’t good.
Minutes passed, feeling like days, before the doctor came out to give us the news. There was a large mass in the nasal cavity that had grown into his brain. It was inoperable. My heart raced, head dropped, and tears welled up.
Life as we knew it would never be the same.
Louis had been our baby since he was eight weeks old. We fed him organic grain-free food, rushed him to the vet if anything seemed off, and tended to his every wish. We expected to have him five more years. I mean, 12 to 15 years is the average life span of a pug and he was in tiptop shape.
Or so we thought.
Everything changed that brisk January day and collapsed when we said goodbye in April. The unconditional love of a pet is like no other and he was a special case. I may have been known to reference him as “the love of my life.”
When Tim and I began the adoption process, I said to a colleague, “If I don’t get a dog soon, I may die.” Okay, slightly Scarlett O’Hara dramatic, but also telling of how integrated and important Louis was in my life.
Once we signed the paperwork to adopt our new rescue Mookie {photo above}, I felt joy that I hadn’t experienced since before Louis’ diagnosis. It was palpable. There was a newfound sense of hope and an outlet for overflowing love.
I recently began reading Writing to Heal the Soul: Transforming Grief and Loss Through Writing and the author begins by unpacking expectations. How was it supposed to be? What did you expect? What was the change of plans?
This is an interesting exercise for so many of the losses that transpire within lives. Loss of jobs, friendships, love, family, health, children, pets, etc.
The author notes, “A large part of coming to terms with loss is dealing with our expectations of what ‘should have been.’ Until we articulate those expectations, we cannot move beyond them. We are stuck in the ‘Why me?’ litany.”
For me, I thought if we fed him the right food, kept him fit and trim {not easy for a pug}, showered him with love, took him in for all his vaccinations and vet needs, we’d have him until age 15. This expectation shaped my mind-set which contributed to the shock of a brain cancer diagnosis.
It’s not that we shouldn’t have had these hopes for our boy, but rather a reminder to acknowledge how little control we truly have. What we do have control over is our response to disappointment, tragedy, and loss.
Viktor Frankl wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning, “. . . everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way.”
And sometimes one’s way is to accept, rather than fight, what’s transpired.
While I miss Louis terribly, I celebrate our 10.5 years together. Although our new boy Mookie will never replace him, he offers a beautiful bond that has been desperately missed the past three months. Again, acceptance.
Is there a situation in your life that hasn’t worked out as you’d expected? You may be asking yourself “which one?!” as life can be full of them! What would acceptance look like in one of these situations?
Remember, acceptance doesn’t lessen the pain, but rather it curbs the continual striving for things to be different than they are. What beckons acceptance in your life?
Share your experience this week in our Facebook group or other social media outlets using #52weekstranquility.
Watch for Week 31 of 52 Weeks of Tranquility delivered to your inbox next week.
Thank you for being here with us. Bisous. x
52 Weeks of Tranquility
This complimentary program is designed to help us stay motivated and engaged in 2015. Each week I’ll send inspiration to your inbox via Love Notes.
Joining later in the year? No worries, read previous weeks here.
To find support and community, join the private Facebook group and use hashtag #52weekstranquility to create additional online connections.
Connect live by calling in to Seasonal Tranquilosophy podcasts. Next one happening Monday, September 21. Can’t join us live? Recordings are available.
May we savor deep moments of tranquility.
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