Today at a bakery I saw a completely bald dude wearing a hairnet.

I shit you not. Have we gone far enough? Or not far enough? I mean, at this point, why not make everyone in foodservice wear hazmat suits? I don’t trust those surgical gloves they have to wear these days either. I think the use of hands should be foregone entirely in favor of sterilized tongs and hooks. And us customers are gross, too. We should all stay home and soak 24/7 in hydrogen peroxide.

Jesus Christ, America. A bald guy forced to wear a hairnet? Get a fucking grip.