The Evolution of a Box Office Smash

I have the best text exchanges with marquisdd . Somehow a discussion of Stephen King's Full Dark, No Stars turned into this:

PZB: I've long been in favor of tarring, feathering, & dumping at city limits people who have lived here a year or more & haven't read A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES.

MDD: You're onto something there! Serial killer who murders from outrage in victims' taste in literature. I'll be your sidekick. J.J. [Jennifer Jason] Leigh can play you in the movie. I've already got a call in to Crispin Glover for my role.

PZB: SUCK IT
SAMUEL L. JACKSON PLAYS ME OR NO DEAL

MDD: He's method. He shouldn't balk at having 47" of shin removed to get him to the right height for the role.

PZB: He will play the real me, the one only Chris & a few other very special people see.

PZB: Not that I think I'm black, but I can't think of any white actors I like since Dennis Hopper died. Alan Alda just wouldn't be right.

PZB: Maybe Johnny Depp?

MDD: "Get these MUTHAFUCKIN' illiterates off my MUTHAFUCKIN' levees!"

MDD: James Spader?

PZB: See. I hardly know who that is - I never see movies. Anyway, I think I want Johnny Depp. With C. Glover as you, we'll be a box office hit.

MDD: All right. I'll concede. YOU can have C. Glover, and JJ Leigh will play me. (Unless Parker Posey's available.)

PZB: Did I SAY I wanted C. Glover? Read my fingers: JOHNNY. DEPP. In his HST mode.

MDD: Can I talk the producers into Faye Dunaway dressed as me doing Faye Dunaway doing Joan Crawford?

PZB: O god now my head hurts.

PZB: Now what are we again? Serial killers?

MDD: Casting agents, I think.

PZB: I hate the movies anyway.