Is and Reggie. After Seraphina.

In between reading a shit-ton of books–which I do when I’m depressed–I wrote another lil thing. I was missing my boys. So I visited them. Petted them and shit. I’d always intended to write this scene. So here it is.

 

* May contain SPOILERS if you haven’t read Save You*

 

 “I’m your mother. I will never stop worrying about you.”

“Good on you.” The brittle laugh rattled Israel’s bones as he yanked open the hotel room door, giving the woman who gave birth to him his back. His gaze clashed with Reggie’s and he saw the curiosity in his partner’s eyes. The questions. He could give him nothing, not right then, but he nodded anyway, acknowledging Reggie’s concern as he addressed Seraphina Cook. “Go after my family again, by blood and relation, and I’ll come at your neck.”

The weight in his chest and limbs propelled him into Reggie’s arms before the door clicked shut behind him. Reggie held him, trapped him there in the quiet hotel breezeway as Israel tried to escape.

His mother. That woman was his mother. Unlike Jacqueline, Seraphina had given birth to him.

“Is.”

It shouldn’t matter. Not after all this time. And he wasn’t a scared kid anymore. Hadn’t been a reckless teenager in a long time. But seeing her…

His gaze had found hers and he’d lost everything in that moment. In the moment where he knew it, where he felt it in his chest. Her eyes. And her expression and her tone.

Fucking anguish.

Like she’d cared.

As if she’d cared for him. About him.

But he wasn’t a child anymore. He didn’t need a mother. Not anymore.

“Is.” Reggie pulled away slightly, cupped his nape. “Talk to me.”

He yanked away with a shake of his head. “Let’s bounce.” He strode away without making sure Reggie was with him. He had to get away from this, this feeling in his chest that had him wanting to ask questions.

He didn’t need the answers.

Hadn’t for a long while now.

Yet they burned his brain, swam around in his head as he took the stairs two at a time.

“Fuck. Is, damn it.” Reggie grabbed his arm just as Israel shouldered his way through the double doors leading out into the small hotel’s near-empty parking lot. “No running.” Reggie pushed him into the wall next to the door and plastered himself to Israel’s front. Fear shone like stars in his eyes. “No fucking running,” Reggie repeated. “Not unless I’m with you.”

“I’m not running.” Hell, yeah he was running.

Reggie’s mouth twisted. “Could’ve fooled me.” He gentled his hold on Israel’s shoulder and his expression softened. “Tell me what went on in there.”

He should have brought Reggie with him instead of Tek. He still wasn’t sure why Reggie had insisted Tek join Israel inside the hotel room. “What do you think went on in there, Reg?” He pushed away from the wall and ducked away from Reggie’s hold, walking to where they’d parked. Elias was supposed to be somewhere around here as well, but Israel couldn’t see him.

Fuck. He couldn’t see shit, but that woman and her tears.

He glanced around and spotted their vehicle. As he headed for it, Reggie fell into place beside him. He didn’t ask again. Reggie gave him the silence he needed, but was soon coming to hate. Walking with him to the car, getting into the driver’s seat when Israel chose shotgun.

They sat there, windows rolled down, Atlanta’s humidity pouring in.

Reggie didn’t turn on the ignition or the radio, so they had just the sound of Israel’s breath as it came faster and faster until he gripped his knees and squeezed his eyes shut.

He heard her words, ringing in his ears. Saw her face, and felt the pressure of her touch. It should never affect him like this, the presence of the woman who’d given birth to him then left him.

Abandoned him to be raised by Jacqueline.

It shouldn’t bother him, the words she’d spoken and the emotion that clouded them, thickened them.

It shouldn’t matter. The what ifs and the maybes. The shoulda woulda couldas.

He wasn’t that kid desperate to know where he came from. Desperate to find anyone to love him, want him. He wasn’t that boy, begging for a name.

His name.

“Colin.” The name on his own lips tore him apart.

“What?”

He popped his eyes open and twisted just enough to meet Reggie’s gaze. “Colin. My name.” Reggie blinked. “The name she gave me.” He swallowed to wet his throat. “Colin.”

Reggie nodded once, and stretched a hand out, grasping Israel’s fingers, lacing their digits. “What else?”

Israel barked a laugh. What else? He shook his head. “I can’t do this.” He pulled away from Reggie, opened the car door and stepped out. He stayed there, leaning against the vehicle, staring into space.

Reggie appeared next to him on his left, and even in the depths of his feels Israel could appreciate it. Appreciate what he had.

“No running, huh?”

“Straight.”

Fingers touched his elbow nearest Reggie, and continued down to slide into his palm. Israel squeezed him, acknowledging the support, loving it. He glanced over but Reggie wasn’t looking at him.

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what, Reg?” The words exploded from him. “Tell you I wish I hadn’t agreed to that meeting? I wish I hadn’t set foot inside that hotel room? Tell you I wish I hadn’t seen her? Listened to her?”

Reggie faced him. “Why?”

Anger shook Israel’s body, and his voice. “Because I’m not that lost kid anymore.” His voice rose. “I’m not that stupid boy searching for somewhere to belong anymore. I don’t need hope. I don’t need answers. I don’t need her.”

Understanding flooded Reggie’s gaze and he pursed his lips. “But you have it,” he stated. “Hope. And you want it. The answers.”

“No.”

Reggie grabbed his face. “Don’t lie to me.”

Israel jerked his face away. “No.” He didn’t have fucking hope. “I want to go back to when I didn’t know about her. When shit made sense, and some stranger who gave birth to me isn’t looking at me with—with…”

“With what?” Reggie asked softly.

Israel closed his eyes and breathed evenly, recalling the expression on Seraphina’s face. The naked emotion in her eyes. “Longing,” he whispered. “Longing in her eyes. Loss. And happiness, too.”

“How did you feel?”

“Trapped.” The word fell before he thought it through. ‘Déjà vu.” The anguish welled up in him, hot, and devastating. “And fucking angry that this is who I am. That I had no chance. Not with two women like them, I had no chance. My life. Who I am. I had no chance.”

Against him, Reggie stilled then pulled away. He stepped forward and crowded Israel, Reggie’s front pressed to his, pushing him harder into the vehicle at his back.

“A chance at what?” Reggie asked with narrowed gaze. “A better life?” When Israel didn’t answer, Reggie continued. “A life where you did the normal thing, the expected thing? Where you played by the rules? Is that what you mean?” There was a dangerous edge to his voice, and a tightness to his grip on Israel’s hip.

“Reg.”

“You would be what, a law-abiding citizen and shit? Is that what you mean?” Reggie’s eyes flashed his anger. “You’d find yourself some chick to settle down with, have you some babies. That kinda life?”

Israel shook his head. “No. I—”

Reggie kissed him, hard and wet and desperate enough to rouse Israel. He opened and met Reggie’s tongue, clutching Reggie to him, pressing tighter to him. It soothed him, calmed him yet still managed to inflame him, that kiss. Possessive and punishing and just what he needed. He latched on to Reggie, grunting into his mouth as his tongue stroked him, rolling over his then drawing back, advance then retreat.

Wetting him.

Cooling him down.

Burning him up.

Breaking over him like waves over sand.

Reggie deepened the kiss then pulled away, breathing heavy against Israel’s cheek. “He sounds boring. Dude I just described? Fuck that dude. He’s not you. You’re not him.” He held Israel’s face in his hands. “Life is what we make it. Who you are, this man right here? I love him.”

“Reg.” Israel yanked him against his chest, smothered him in a hug. It was goddamn daylight, and they were exposed for anyone to see. He didn’t care. “I love you.” He kissed Reggie’s neck, inhaled him. “I love you, too.”

Fact was, he didn’t ever want to be anyone else. Anywhere else. He finally had what he wanted. Had too much to lose. Too much priceless and indispensable things. The most important of which was this.

Here.

Them.

“Doubting is okay,” Reggie told him as he lifted his head to hold Israel’s gaze. “The situation is fucked up, for real. Questioning shit goes with the territory.” He glanced around them then lifted an eyebrow at Is. “We’re exposed. You know this, right?”

They didn’t do this. Public displays. In the safety and comfort of their homes, and with their friends, they could be them, but outside they weren’t. Is didn’t look away nor did he move his arms from around Reggie. “I know this.”

“We got eyes on us.”

“Eyes are always on us.” Israel shrugged. “I don’t care. I need this, and I need you, more,” he confessed as he stroked Reggie’s jaw with a thumb. “You’re always comforting me, you realize that?”

A quick grin creased Reggie’s face. “You vulnerable? That shit gets me thirsty as fuck.”

A startled laugh rumbled in Israel’s chest. “Good to know?”

Mirth leaked from Reggie’s face as he got serious. “Yo, I’m dead-ass. This shit with Seraphina is fucking with you, I get that. I’m here though, and I will always be here, you feel me? ’Cause you and me, it just fits. It works.”

“I have never doubted us,” Israel told him. “Fuck, Reg. This is us. We’re so necessary.” What they shared was the most central thing to Israel. He protected it with way more than guns. He guarded Reggie and their relationship with his life. “I will gladly walk away from it all in a heartbeat, for us. To have us.”

Reggie soothed a hand down Israel’s chest over his t-shirt. “I’m a fan of our life, of what we’re building. You’re mine.” He tilted his chin. “You wear the persona of Israel Storm like a motherfucker.” His voice dipped. “And I love that. You in dangerous mode. But I appreciate this, too.” He waved a hand. “I appreciate that you show me the flip side, and you let me help you with it. You let me help you make it right.”

Israel stared at him, processing those words. It never occurred to him not to be vulnerable with Reggie. Not to share with him. Not to include him. It was just natural, as easy as breathing, to bring Reggie into his world. Into his life. From the beginning it had been like that.

“This was inevitable, wasn’t it?” Is asked hoarsely. “You and me. Loving you. We were always headed here, weren’t we?”

Reggie licked his lips. “I think so.”

Is nodded and hugged him again, putting his face in the crook of Reggie’s neck and inhaling his skin. “Thank you,” he murmured. “For always making it better.”

Reggie’s hold tightened on him then loosened as he lifted his head and took a step back. “You’re mine,” he said as if it was the most important thing, the most amazing thing, Israel belonging to him.

To Israel it was.

“Tell me what you need right now,” Reggie said.

There were a lot of things Israel could name, but at the moment only two things mattered. “You and me. Some trees, a bed, and skin. Yours on mine. Mine on yours.”

Lust flashed in Reggie’s gaze. “I can make that happen.”

“I know.” Is took a breath. “But first I need to speak to him.”

“Who?”

“My brother.” Is swallowed. “The Fed.”

Reggie didn’t seem surprised. “I can make that happen, too.”

Movement caught Israel’s eye and he turned to watch Elias and Tek walk toward them.

“Do you want me to do it?”

He refocused to Reggie. “Huh?”

“Do you want me to make the call?”

“Yes.” He wanted to know, needed to know what Seraphina had done to Donovan Cintron. The woman he’d just walked away from couldn’t be allowed into his circle. The little boy he used to be might want something different, but the jaded man he was had to protect himself, his relationship, his family. There was no place for Seraphina Cook in his life, mother or not. He didn’t trust her.

So Reggie pulled out his cellphone and dialed as Elias and Tek neared.

“Dutch, it’s Reggie.” Reggie paused to listen to what FBI agent Dane Hutchins had to say. “It’s cool. Listen—” His gaze flicked to Is. “I need your help.” He took a few steps away, and Israel turned as someone touched his shoulder.

He faced Elias and Tek.

“You okay?” Elias asked.

He snorted. “Fuck, no.”

Elias hugged him, slapped him on the back. “You’ll be fine,” he said at Israel’s ear. “I’m not worried about you.”

“Neither am I,” Tek said.

Israel disengaged from Elias and went to Tek. His friend wore lipstick, bright, in your face fucking red, and eyeliner, and he looked happy. Is hugged him, ruffled his hair. They were fine now, his friends, the men he considered his brothers.

Nothing and no one could’ve told him back inside Rikers that they’d be here. That he’d be here. Some shit were still messy, still fucked up, but that hopeless feeling, it was gone from inside him.

Elias had long lost the pain in his eyes.

And Tek’s anguish no longer shadowed every expression he wore.

Love.

Was that the cure?

Israel looked up, holding Reggie’s gaze as his lover walked back to them.

“Yeah, I got it.” Reggie scowled as he spoke into the phone. “Fuck you, too, Dutch.” He ended the call and Israel went to him, took his free hand and clutched him way too tight.

Reggie didn’t flinch.

“What?”

“He—your brother—agreed to meet.” Reggie brought their linked fingers to his mouth, pressing his lips to their knuckles as he stared into Israel’s eyes. “We have a time and a place.”

His brother. They had more than blood in common.

More than a father.

They had Seraphina Cook.