Success & How We Define It...

Are you successful? Do you feel successful? Does society view you as a success?
Me, not so much. 
I am a stay-at-home mother.
I am a stay-at-home mother post the feminist movement. Yeah, I said it. . . 
As grateful as I am to have the choice to be a successful professional in a man’s world, I am equally frustrated that my choice to stay at home isn’t viewed as a success. More frustrating is that I internalize society’s viewpoint, and believe that I am unsuccessful without professional acclaim. 
There are no promotions, medals, raises or awards in motherhood. Stay-at-home mothers never leave the office, they never clock out, and truthfully they are very rarely alone. There isn’t a solo commute into work, there isn’t a private bathroom stall to pee in peace, there isn’t a lunch break.  There are no vacation days, and even if there were, we would choose to spend them with our children. 
We are the stay-at-home moms: under appreciated and under paid. We are the least “successful” women of our generation. We spend countless hours raising our children to become good people in the very same society that views us as failures. We are made to feel guilty that we do not employ degreed “professionals” to care for our children so we ourselves may become successful “professionals”. 
As much as the women’s movement has awarded women in the workplace, it has devalued the importance of a stay-at-home mother. It has shaped our opinions about success and what that means for women, mothers. 
There isn’t anywhere I rather be than at home with my children. It isn’t for everyone, but it is important to me. All the while, I feel like a failure. I long for professional acclaim, professional independence, and an identity that is separate from being a mother. I devalue my own role in my children’s lives as a stay-at-home parent because I, like society, view success as something that exists in the workplace. I, like society, wonder if my children aren’t better off in the hands of someone with a professional degree in childhood development, psychology, education, etc. 
Stay-at-home mothers are often the glue that holds together the entire household. We run a daycare, a school, a medical facility, a laundry service, a cleaning service, and so on. We are cooks, drivers, organizers, volunteers. We are 24/7. Yet, we don’t share in success, and we struggle for an identity beyond our duties at home. 

Not only are we the glue that holds our own households together, we also play an important role in society. Society needs stay-at-home mothers. We are a powerful group that can 'not so silently' get things done in our schools and communities. It takes a village and those that can be stay-at-home mothers are often looking out for not just their children, but all children. 
When a stay-at-home mother does reach for personal successes beyond home, those attempts are often demeaned. Direct sale avenues such as those to sell candles, jewelry, etc. become the but of a joke. Frankly, when the label “work-at-home” is tied to any mother, even six figure income earners are viewed as less successful than a mother working outside the home. They aren’t real professionals. They are stay-at-moms with a “hobby”. 
I wish I could say this viewpoint originated because no one could imagine being a stay-at-home mom and having another job because the job of stay-at-home mom is so demanding and endless. Sadly, that isn't the case. 
Instead we view one of ‘the’ most important roles anyone can establish as being the “easy” option. It’s a position for women who can’t do anything else. And that is the thought that often wiggles it’s way into my subconscious exasperating my own personal insecurities. "I can't do anything else. I am a failure." I should go and "get a job." 
Society rarely says to stay-at-home mothers that they are already employed at a very important "job."

This societal shift is illuminated in pop culture as well. Recently, one of my favorite sitcoms made a joke that if their daughter became a “stay-at-home mom” it would be the worst thing to happen, the worst failure and a complete waste of her talents. With each comedic diatribe, my heart sank deeper.
We’ve come so far, yet we still have so much further to go. Melanie Griffith rocked her roll in Working Girl. It was one of my favorite movies growing up (yeah, children watched all sorts of inappropriateness in the 80s ;). As a child, I wanted to be a CEO… of any company. I just wanted to be the boss with a corner office in the clouds. I wanted to rock the righteous 80's pant suit and be just like my own mother, who was wildly successful professionally in her hip suits and double stacked shoulder pads.
Thirty years later, I am not that person. And it was every woman before me who fought for their role in the workplace, that should have also paved the way for women to still be valued at home too. 
It is my hope that when my own daughter becomes an adult, a mother, that she will feel and be viewed as a success— if she chooses to be the scientist her eleven-year-old self wants to be or if she chooses to be a stay-at-home mother, like her own mom. It's not a waste. It isn't a waste of an education or of talents... in fact it is an opportunity to share these lessons and gifts with the next generation. 

Now finding a personal identity in which I feel successful in beyond the home is still a challenge I'm working on.... It is after all a sacrifice of the job, "mom".