The Poison In My Bum

‘I have what?’, thundered Vaejovis. His friend nodded. Yes, he had a dangerous venom in his bum, which he could use to kill his prey. ‘What if I sting myself?’ squeaked Vaejovis with all the drama of a diva. His friend sniggered. Our kind never sting themselves.

Vaejovis wasn’t convinced. He crawled under his rock that night and was too scared to sleep. What if, in his dreams, he was chasing a big, fat, juicy spider and he tried to strike it but instead, in real life, he pierced his head. Would he be paralysed for life? Would he die in the physical world or in the dream one?

He couldn’t sleep the whole night. Finally, when the sun sprung up, he began nodding off in sheer tiredness. He woke up to a midday heat with a large headache and a mild anger. He couldn’t believe the powers, which designed him. How could they be so stupid? Who puts a poisonous sac in a living thing?

He fretted and fumed and was about to tie himself in knots with worry, when he remembered he had to meet a cutie behind the log on the grass. He slowly began to crawl towards her. Mostly, on a first date, he used to take a bit of chewed-up bug body part but today he didn’t feel like doing anything special.

She was waiting, sunning her perfect body on a rock. He sighed, so pretty. They got talking, he forgot about his worries, soon one thing led to another and they were sharing a cheliceral kiss, when suddenly, he leaped back.

The scorpio-gurl was frightened, ‘What’s the matter?’ She didn’t think she was that bad a kisser. Vaejovis pointed at her telson and squawked in a quivering voice ‘You have poison there’. ‘Naturally’ she snorted, ‘I’m a scorpion, just like you’.

Vaejovis couldn’t explain his horror. He ran away. Her voice followed; angry, mean, unforgiving. ‘What an idiot!’. He reached his rock, breathless and unsure about what to do next. He knew all scorpions had venom in them and they all lived with it, without any fear. Why was he scared? Where did this anxiety come from?

He looked at the setting sun and knew he couldn’t sleep another night. He wasn’t scared of death, it was just the thought of that paralysing poison entering his body that gave him the heebie-jeebies. With these jitters he could never have a normal life. With a heavy heart he made his decision.

There was nobody to say goodbye to. At least, if he had mated with cutie, there would have been a few babies who missed him. He lifted his tail high, heroically and struck himself. Once, twice, thrice …five times. Nothing happened.

He was shocked. Maybe the designers who created him weren’t that bad. They had made sure he was immune to his own poison. When morning came, he took a half bitten cricket and ran to find a cutie whose poison he could love.

Moral: We all have a little venom inside us.



Vaejovis is drawn by the fabulous Bijoy Venugopal. You can find more of his wonderful stuff here bijoyvenugopal.com