The Fiver | A poor man's Gyles Brandreth

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A SLOW MONTH FOR NEWS

The new season’s still a couple of weeks away, so most of the Premier League’s biggest clubs are currently dotted around the globe extorting money from innocent foreigners by staging training sessions in large stadiums and insisting that they’re matches. Liverpool are currently grifting the entire federal state of Malaysia, and before Friday’s fitness workout, lame duck Brendan Rodgers has again refused to talk about the impending purchase of Christian Benteke, a transfer everyone knows is happening but one he claims to know bupkis about.

SAY IT AIN’T SO, STATTO.COM

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