Welcome to Rome (Dani’s POV)

Dear Kat,

I think I made a mistake. If you don’t hear from me in the next few weeks, please come to the rescue. They might have eaten me. To say that Oliver’s family is intense would be the understatement of the year. His sisters keep giving me dirty looks, his mother is critical of everything I do, and his grandmother keeps looking at me and licking her lips. Tonight at dinner I was lectured about how Oliver has gotten so thin because I am obviously not feeding him. He’s 6’2″ and 210. There is nothing about him wasting away. He cooks and I feed him from my own vein. What more do these women want?

His mother asked if I would be willing to cut my hair to pull off a more posh look. I thought posh was British and the woman threatened my hair. MY HAIR, KAT! All I can say is if she comes near me with scissors I’m staking the bitch while she sleeps during the day. I can’t really tell Oliver that his mom is psycho… can I? I mean, he’s sort of a mama’s boy. Wish me luck. I’m going to try shampooing my hair in garlic in hopes his mother will be too afraid to touch it (not really).

Refusing to cut my hair (it’s my hair, dammit!),

Dani