Curse of the Present Participle Phrase

Diction’s a real bastard. It’s what gives writers their identity. It’s our word choices and style, which creates voice. This is the art, but this requires real craft.

Craft is work. We can get to the art later, when it emerges from better work.

One of the most common problems I see is overuse and abuse of the present participle phrase. I’m sometimes guitly myself.

For those who need a grammar school refresher, here it is. And, yes, I had to look this up. Forgive me. Ms. Lawson’s class was 25 years ago.

The present participle phrase:

Running out the door, he grabbed the car keys.

The verb is grabbed. The noun is he. He grabbed. Hell, it’s even in active voice!

The present participle phrase is: Running out the door.

What’s wrong here? Nothing. Just stop over-using it!

I’ve read whole paragraphs where every sentence used the past participle phrase. It’s lousy diction.

I get it. The sentence structure is so useful, especially for tense, action-filled scenes that are common among fellow action and thriller writers. I use it myself, like I said.

Find these in your writing. Use them more sparingly. Then, rewrite those sentences. Often, they can be even better at ramping up action or tension.

Here’s a real life example I just read in an indie thiller:

Scanning briefly over the information on each man’s DOJ application he settled on the fact that the information was likely real.

Here’s another one, on the same page as the above even:

Pressing the send button, he waited as the service connectioned and uploaded the pictures.

Both are legitimate sentences. They’re a bit of a mouthful at a tense scene. How about reworking those?

He scanned the DOJ applications. Each familiar face of his attackers, every line of their information was real. He knew it.

He pressed send. The phone delivered the evidence in agonizing seconds he didn’t have to spare.

That’s just my stab at it. Season to taste. My good-faith intent is to show how much more we can pack into better sentences that still amp up the suspense and action.

The point is to reconsider when you hear yourself writing those phrases. Past participle phrases just roll off the “tongue.” It’s the kind of writing we hear in our heads that ends up quickly on the page. With overuse, it becomes predictable diction. A poker tell for an eager, crafty audience.

Get crafty right back at them.

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