Connections

When I was an aspiring author, I spent a lot of time lamenting the fact that I couldn’t go to conferences and have those chance encounters that other authors talked about being vital to them getting published. I had small children and no money, so all I could basically do was write a lot and occasionally send things out. I had connections, but I only ever thought of them as “friends,” some of them published authors, some of them not yet published.

Guess what? I sold my first book to someone I’d never met, got my first agent without ever having met him in person, and worked with editors for years without going to conferences out of state. I won’t say that my career wouldn’t have been better if I’d been able to do those things, but I have no proof of it. I didn’t go on book tour and I didn’t do book signings. Seriously, I remember I told someone in about 2009 that I was going to my first book signing ever. That was 7 years after I pubbed my first book. Again, I’m not going to say this helped my career, but I have no direct evidence it hurt it, either.

Now that my kids are older and I have a little more money, I can go to conferences. My publisher now sometimes sends me to conferences or on book tour. And that’s great in many ways. I even chair my own conference (Writing For Charity) that’s a one-day thing where all the money goes to charity and authors do on-the-spot critiques. I also manage Sundance One-Day Writing Retreats, where we invite editors and agents to come and meet with a select group of people whose first chapter they’ve read.

Over and over again, I watch aspiring authors get flustered, overwhelmed, embarrassed, or become speechless in these situations. Sometimes they are so anxious they have to lie down to recover or to prepare. They nearly have heart attacks worrying over whether or not they’ll ruin this “one-time chance” to land a big agent or to get an editor interested in their work. And I say to them:

Sometimes as writers, we focus so much on getting the words right (which we absolutely need to do) that we forget in situations like this that what matters isn't this moment, but the connections that we make with everyone we meet.

A consult isn't a make it or break it moment. This is just one step on a journey. And we're all your friends along the way. I can't tell you how many times I've ended up making a connection that really mattered without knowing it and thought that I was simultaneously blowing the connection that didn't matter at  all in the long run.

The agent you think you desperately want is probably not the right agent for you. They were the right agent for your favorite author, but you are not that author and you’re not publishing your book at the same time, in the same environment. You need the right person for you, for the publishing world now, and you know what? You will find the right person. You absolutely will. It just won’t be when you think it will.

Worry less about getting a book sold today and more about a long-term career as an author and finding the right match for the rest of your career, not just one book. Ask agents about the publishing world. Ask for advice about other good agents, specifically or in general. Ask other authors the same questions. Do your best and let that be enough.

This isn’t a contest. It’s not the lottery because your chances are way, way better. In fact, though we talk about luck in the publishing world, that’s only about luck regarding one specific book at one specific moment. As an author, you’re going to be writing a lot of great things, and one of them is going to be absolutely right, eventually. Just don’t stress about the one right in front of you.

Listen, learn, be kind.