Why It’s Sometimes Better to Receive Than Give

Sometimes a gift is better received than given.

I always thought it was the other way around and often still find myself uncomfortable receiving gifts, praise, attention, or compliments.

Photo Credit: Michael Dean McDonald, www.michaeldeancompany.com

The church and self-help worlds both supported this theory and gave me permission to live in generosity-only as a means to experience humility, joy, and happiness.

It wasn’t until I realized giving was a process that did not work without someone’s ability to receive, that my paradigm started to shift.

Recently I took a trip with friends to Kurdistan in Northern Iraq.

We went to visit with Isis Refugee camps and a Restore International school and while we were there, this lesson was on display.

When we arrived at the first camp, the kids seemed enthusiastic to see us. They were surprised anyone had shown up at all, but the fact that we showed up with a pocket full of balloons made their joy all the greater.

If you know Bob Goff, you know this is one of many areas where he shines. Spreading love, joy, and hope in a way few can match. He lives it and quickly led the way that day.

We also had a backpack full of beads and string to make jewelry.

Imagine Christmas morning or when your dog greets you after a vacation. That’s the kind of joy and excitement that erupted when we first broke out these treasures and started making bracelets.

I had never made a necklace or bracelet until that day, but you would never know it. According to this crew I was a world-renowned designer making rare one-of-a-kind pieces in real time.

One young man got my attention by literally pulling on my ear.

I kept trying to give him supplies to fend him off, but he was insistent on giving me something in return. First it was a cloth, next a balloon, and then a bead.

He was on a mission.

He would take a piece of jewelry from me, scurry off to deliver it to the others who were scared to come out of the tents, then bring back a gift upon his return.

At first, I rejected his offering.

I didn’t want him to think I needed anything in return. Then I realized he wanted to experience what I was experiencing. He wanted to see me smile and receive in gratitude. He wanted to give.

By giving, I made him smile, and by receiving I gave him dignity that lifted both of our spirits.

Shortly after I was back in my home environment—

I noticed that compliments and offers to help were landing in a different way. I felt centered in my worth enough to give others the gift of giving.

Here’s a question for us to think about:

How many times a day or week do we shuck and jive to avoid receiving help, compliments, gifts, and others offering us their seat or spot in line?

This happens with strangers and especially with those closest to us.

And when we do, how much are we robbing others from experiencing the gift of giving due to our discomfort in receiving?

It turns out receiving is way more vulnerable than giving.

When we give, we can control the emotional climate and therefore predict the outcome. Receiving means our emotional response is on display and our shame buttons are out front for the moment to push as it pleases.

Always giving and never receiving creates a validation trap that can leave you never getting enough and therefore depleting yourself and your loved ones, while on the desperate hunt for worth.

Often the biggest gift we can give is humbly and graciously receiving from another.

Though it may seem counter intuitive, it can be good practice. God longs for us to slow down and receive His love as much as He wants us to chase and spread His message. Without it, we are sharing words and theory rather than grace and love.

When we receive, we are mirroring to others the power of giving.

When people show up in distress needing help, allow them to also help you.

Although it’s easier to compliment and give people fish when their hungry, receiving from others when they feel they have nothing to offer can teach them to fish again.

You will provide them with far more than resources; you will provide them with worth and value.

Giving and receiving is the core of relationships and “doing relationship” will keep us out of judgment and in love. God smiles and love wins when everyone has a seat at the table.

All we must do is receive.

Why It’s Sometimes Better to Receive Than Give is a post from: Storyline Blog