#SFRMonday: The truth must be told in MY NAME IS A’YEN by @RachelLeighgeek #scifirom
Please welcome Rachel Leigh Smith with My Name is A’yen, on sale for only 99¢ for a limited time.
MY NAME IS A’YEN
A’yen’s Legacy, #1
by Rachel Leigh Smith
“A stunning science fiction romance debut, guaranteed to steal the heart of any fan of tortured heroes.”— Pippa Jay, author of Keir and the Redemption series
They’ve taken everything from him. Except his name.
The Loks Mé have been slaves for so long, freedom is a distant myth A’yen Mesu no longer believes. A year in holding, because of his master’s murder, has sucked the life from him. Archaeologist Farran Hart buys him to protect her on an expedition to the Rim, the last unexplored quadrant of the galaxy.
Farran believes the Loks Mé once lived on the Rim and is determined to prove it. And win A’yen’s trust. But she’s a breeder’s daughter and can’t be trusted.
Hidden rooms, information caches, and messages from a long-dead king change A’yen’s mind about her importance. When she’s threatened, he offers himself in exchange, and lands on the Breeders Association’s radar. The truth must be told. Even if it costs him his heart.
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She surprised him by finding the right pressure without his input. One could almost think she’d done this before. Of course she hadn’t, yet she knew exactly which areas needed the most attention, which ones the lightest touch.
Eyes closed, he tried to pretend Master touched him. Didn’t work. Her hands and touch were too different. The pain in his shoulders eased, but the ache in his heart grew. He missed being touched and held by someone who saw him as real.
Removing the restrictions didn’t mean she saw him as real. It was progress, sure, but not enough reason to give in to his craving for a cascade. Too much of his soul was already gone. Stolen from him, while he was helpless. Nothing more than a number in a computer system.
He shouldn’t want it as bad as he did. Definitely not from her. Giving just anyone such control of him was a stupid thing to do. Especially someone he barely knew. No matter how nice she was.
But oh it felt good. So good. He let his head fall forward. Her hands kept working their magic on his muscles, massaging the oil into the ink across his shoulders, down his upper arms, back up again.
He should ask her to stop now. Break contact, go find Pete. Just another minute or two.
Hell, who was he kidding? Another minute or two would trigger a cascade. Pull away. Now.
Tingling started in his fingers. His body screamed at him to stay still, let her bring it to fruition, erase the pain for a few blessed minutes.
But his soul . . . his soul said run. And never stop. He didn’t have to give in. Didn’t have to let her take control of him like this. His body was his again. Not a stranger’s playground.
Breath caught in his throat and he scooted out of her reach. “Thank you.” He stood, swiped the bottle, and retreated to his room. Though it had no door, it still offered more privacy than staying on the floor between her knees. Muscles quivering, he leaned against the wall to the right of the door, where she couldn’t see him.
His eyes slid closed, breath coming hard and fast. The first tingles only made him want it more. No! He would not give in, would not seek her out. Not like this. He’d never be satisfied with only a physical relationship. Not after twenty years of sharing every part of his life with Master, and Master sharing every part of his in return.
He didn’t just miss sex and cascades and exploring new sensations. He missed the intimate connection of another person knowing his every thought without asking, knowing exactly what he needed before he knew it, knowing when to hold him and when to get him to talk.
That’s what he missed. That’s what he wanted. But he didn’t yet want it with her. Unless he did, this was as far as physical could ever go. No way did he trust himself to stop, knowing what waited for him.
The door chimed. Willa and Pete came in, then Pete appeared in his room. “You okay?”
“I need to get out of here.” He kept his voice low, to keep her from knowing how much she’d addled his brain.
“Right. Find a shirt.” Pete turned and went back in the other room while A’yen dug out a shirt and pulled it on with as little movement as possible.
“I need to steal him for the rest of the day.”
“Sure. What for?” Dr. Hart’s voice gave nothing away. If she knew the turmoil inside him, she hid it well. Then again, he hadn’t let her see his face.
“Nav path through the asteroid field. He knows it better than I do. And it’s his map.” Pride colored Pete’s statement.
He sucked in one more deep breath to make sure his mask sat in place, then left the semi-privacy of his room. Like her voice, nothing on her face gave away she knew what had almost happened. Maybe she really did have no idea. It’s not like the existence of cascades was common knowledge.
She turned her attention back to the map and her notes, waving a hand in the vague direction of the door. “Have fun.”
Four minutes later they were in the lift and Pete slammed the stop button, pausing it between decks. Arms crossed, he glared at A’yen. “What the hell happened in there?”
A’yen swallowed hard, leaned against the wall. “I asked her to rub oil into my shoulders. She knew exactly what to do, how hard to push, what needed the most attention.” Another swallow, trying to push his heart back down. “One started, and pulling away is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” His legs gave out and he slid down the wall, stopping only when he hit the floor.
“Did you do it on purpose, hoping she’d set one off?”
“No. Before I blanked out yesterday all I could think about was how there wasn’t one waiting for me today.” He leaned forward, head cradled in his hands, fingers dug into his hair. “You’re right about it not being something to give away. I think I need everything else, too.”
Pete sat next to him. “Of course you do. What the two of you had . . . I’m not used to seeing it. If the situation were reversed and he’d lost you, I don’t think he’d still be alive.”
“Which makes me staying alive that much harder. How long is it going to take to figure out how to live without everything he gave me?”
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