Why Complaining Doesn’t Get You What You Want And What Will

We have a rule in my house. It goes like this: you can’t complain about something if you aren’t willing to do something about it.

Photo Credit: Juanedc, Creative Commons

So in practical terms, if you have a headache, you aren’t allowed to talk about how much it hurts until you take an aspirin and drink some water. If you are upset about the way something is going in the house (like the dishes aren’t done), you can either 1) do them, or 2) ask politely for the other person to do them.

But until you’ve done one of those two things, you can’t talk about how frustrating it is or how you wish it were somehow different.




If you have a frustration, you must come with a solution.

This has worked well for us.

One of us—I won’t say who, but one of us who is writing this blog post—has had trouble with complaining in the past. And complaining is really just what I talked about above: talking about how much you dislike something without presenting any solutions.

It’s as simple as that.

It might not seem like that’s the case. In fact, when you’re the one complaining, it usually doesn’t feel that dramatic. It probably just feels like you’re describing something. “Oh, look at that tree over there. It’s green and has leaves.”

“The dishes are dirty—again.”

“My head hurts.”

But if you’re the one listening to the complainer, it is actually pretty upsetting. There are two main reasons for this.

First, complainers make you feel like you have to fix their problem. When they don’t come with a solution, the unspoken message is: “I need a solution from you.”
And second, complainers make everybody miserable. Misery loves company, right? And when complainers are miserable, they drag everybody down with them.

Bottom line: I like my life so much better now that I’ve caught myself complaining and tried to curb the habit.

For that reason, I’m thankful for this rule.

Because it’s helped me realize that not complaining doesn’t mean casually accepting life as it is, even when it isn’t what I want it to be. On the contrary. It means taking responsibility where I have it and letting go where I don’t.

“On the next commercial break, I’m going to do the dishes.”

“I need an aspirin. Would you be willing to get me one?”

“I hope I feel better by morning.”

When you begin to come up with solutions for your problems, you realize there’s really no need to complain. Not everything goes our way, but we have far more control over the outcomes we experience than we had ever realized.

Why Complaining Doesn’t Get You What You Want And What Will is a post from: Storyline Blog