Shit I Don’t Want: Love Actually (the movie)
Several years back, someone in our office set up a bookshelf for people to bring in old books they no longer wanted. The idea was people might find something they liked that their co-workers either didn’t care for or didn’t figure they’d read again. Early on, it was a hot spot, with folks making regular stops to scout out the latest additions to library. I can’t remember the last time I saw someone perusing the shelves, but the books sit there still, collecting dust, a literary version of the Island of Misfit Toys.
The concept, though, is one I’d like to adopt and expand upon. I’d like someday to invite a bunch of friends over and tell them all to bring books, DVDs, and CDs they want to unload. We’ll spread them all on a table and see if something might find a new home. One friend’s trash is another friend’s treasure. Maybe. Or maybe no one else wants that Bill Cosby biography, either.
I started thinking about the idea again after watching a movie with my wife last weekend. It was a DVD she gave me for Christmas that we’d never gotten around to watching, mostly because it was 2 hours and 15 minutes long, and we watch TV in about 45 minute increments. We stretched it out a bit and knocked this one out in two nights, though, honestly, by the end of night one (an hour in) we’d seen enough to know it wasn’t going to get any better. Still, we kept at it, to the bitter end, just to confirm our suspicion that Love Actually was indeed as pitiful as we thought. If anything, it was even worse.
Of course, out of curiosity, we checked IMDB to see how much everyone else hated it. And … it had a 7.7 rating. That’s out of 10, not 100, which would have made more sense to me for a movie with no plot. And as laughable as the Hugh Grant as prime minister story line was, that was one of the better ones. I love Joanna Page (a.k.a. Stacey from Gavin & Stacey), but what the hell was with her and Tim from The Office as nude stand-ins for some film within a film? (And was that one any better?) But the entire thing jumped the shark for me when the doofy blond kid who couldn’t get any British women to fall for him flew to Milwaukee (Milwaukee, really?) and immediately fell into some kind of harem of stupid hot chicks, who were too poor to afford pajamas and all slept in one bed. We were both waiting for that to end as some kind of dream sequence. It didn’t. It was “real.” I’m not sure how that works for people, but who am I to argue with a 7.7 rating?
Obviously people see something in this festering pile of dung that I don’t. So it’s time to find this DVD a new home. Perhaps yours. Do you love Love Actually? Do you want to find out? Maybe you’ve never seen Liam Neeson playing a guy who doesn’t really seem all that broken up over the very recent death of his wife. Maybe you can’t imagine Professor Snape/Hans Gruber cheating on his wife, so amateurishly he actually buys jewelry from Mr. Bean for his special gal when he’s out shopping with his wife. (Yeah, how could that possibly go wrong?) Maybe you just have 2 hours and 15 minutes to waste, I mean, kill, oh, you get the picture.
So let’s debut a new blog feature we’ll call Shit I Don’t Want. You tell me why you want this DVD, in the comments here (or on Facebook or Twitter, even) and the most entertaining one wins it.* Deadline for entries is July 15, a week from tonight. Go!
*Contest open to U.S. residents only. Sorry, but, you know, postage and all.
