All This Quiet Is Too Loud

One of the things I’m noticing about this experience is how quiet it is. Without any of the toys that steal my attention turned on, my physical space is doesn’t make a lot of noise. I wish I could say that this was a positive experience. I hope that somewhere down the road it doesn’t feel so unnatural. Unfortunately, I’m only three days into the journey and it is just plain weird. I am so used to having some sort of background noise, that removing it actually makes it difficult to concentrate. I know that sounds weird, but I get to this place where I have to fight the impulse to turn something on. That in itself is distracting. How about that? My lack of distractions is distracting. All I can hope is that the situation corrects itself at some point. Three weeks of freaky stillness is not something I think I can pull off.

I went on one of my pre-established outings today. I drove into the Tattered Cover bookstore on Colfax in Denver to get tickets for Chris Colfer’s visit next week. I wish I could say that I did great and that I went back into retreat mode easily after venturing out into the wider world. I wish I could, but I can’t. Don’t get me wrong, the whole thing didn’t completely fall apart. I got all of my prescribed tasks done. My word count was met and typed. I started sending chapters to my editor. I tracked my food and exercised.I read and worked on my greeting card ideas for fun and profit. I even blogged, as you can see. But there was this restlessness. I wanted to get out of the house, to do anything else but what I was doing. I had to work to resist it, but I caved. I went out to lunch. Do I feel bad? Sort of, but I have to admit, it helped. It gave me the ability to focus after I got back in a way I’m not sure I could have if I’d stayed home. Did I cheat? I don’t think so. I gave myself permission to do one outside activity a day. This was it. Still, I don’t feel great about it either. It’s a work in progress. I just hope I’m progressing in the right direction.