Looking back on 2010

It pretty much goes without saying that 2010 was one of the most remarkable years of my life. It wasn’t always an easy year, but it was a growth year and I finish happier and more confident than I’ve ever been in my life.

The main factor of course was the publication and fabulous reception of Secret Ones. It’s kinda hard to continue with a ‘you suck’ mentality when the evidence is overwhelming that you don’t. Learning to live as someone with confidence in their worth as an individual has been an interesting experience. I hadn’t realised all the ways that I let my lack of esteem batter myself down – sure, I was aware of the big things, like the negative self talk and the self-harm through not eating properly and not exercising, but it was in deeper, more insidious things such as not thinking too deeply about things cause what right did I have to an opinion? I had nothing to say, nothing to offer, so why bother?

As a result, I think for most of this year I’ve been extremely self-involved and have had little patience for anyone in my life. For people I’ve hurt through this behaviour – I’m sorry. All I can say is that super-nice Nicole is coming back (although she won’t be letting people take advantage of her super-niceness any more and will be more vocal when people say or do things she doesn’t agree with). I’m going to make mistakes and will at times seem immature – I’m working through stuff that emotionally mature people deal with in their teens – but I will try to do so with understanding of the impact on those around me and be as thoughtful as possible.

Some relationships won’t survive this process – people I’ve been friends with for the wrong reasons. Some friendships which are strained at the moment will get better. Those who I love and adore know it, I hope.

The other thing I’m most proud of this year is how much better a writer I am. There was something about the crucible of needing to deliver two books in twelve months that forged me in a way nothing else has. I’m writing with more confidence now. I’m also learning to match the at times opposing forces of meeting expectations while continuing to challenge myself and grow as a writer.

So month-by-month, here’s how the year panned out:

 

I had another short story accepted for publication in 2011 and started some media and publicity work to promote Power Unbound. Ankle is now fully functional – except for the swelling in warm weather, poxy bloody thing. I guess I’ll just get used to that, instead of it disturbing me and making it hard for me to concentrate. In the meantime, I finish with 80,000 words written of book one of the Free Ones trilogy (which my family are calling ‘A New Hope’ – you know, the fourth one? Ah, love the Star Wars).

 

I’d love to give you a word count for the year but it’s hard – the first part of the year was mostly revising and re-writing and so I really don’t know how many words I wrote then. With the words I did for the revision of Battle for Odana and A New Hope, I guess that from September I’ve written 130,000 words or there abouts. Next year will be a bigger wordcount, since there’s lotsa drafting going on.

So, there’s 2010 for me. A good year. A fabulous year, one of the best in my life. Yet I’m already sure 2011 will be better.

Coolio.